


I hear a voice and he does not like you

by Notaparentalfigure



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Funny, Hearing Voices, M/M, Male Slash, i hear a voice and he does not like you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2020-01-24 13:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18572842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notaparentalfigure/pseuds/Notaparentalfigure
Summary: Neville knew that someday he would have to pay for slipping away from under Morgana's fingertips and being able to keep his life on one too many locations, but Merlin not like this, not like this...No one is sure how it happened, but Voldemort is in Neville's head and is now living through the Horrors of a school year in Hogwarts and as it turns out its complete chaos. The dark lord is lowkey creeping on Hermione, while still trying to help Neville with his crush, Blaise Zabini.Follow them on their adventure, through friendship, hormones, gay sex and well deserved broken noses.(Voldemort is kinda harrasing Hermione, you‘ve been warned.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah Hi,
> 
> I do not own this story I'm only translating it into English. So if anyone wants to check out the real deal: https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/43c2926b00002324067007d0/1/Ich-hoere-eine-Stimme-und-sie-mag-dich-nicht
> 
> Thanks again for allowing me to translate your Story, Ria.
> 
> Love xx

Neville was sweating blood and bullets, which was nothing new as he was currently sitting in his Potions class. But today Snape seemed to be even more determined to torture poor little Neville.

He was desperately stirring his potion, which now had the colour of a cheerful, however wrong, pink.

„Longbottom, what do you think you're doing?", asked his teacher with a calm voice, some might even say too calm, as the same colour as his potion spread on Neville's cheeks.

„I'm brewing the Stamina Potion, Professor.", he squeaked. Neville was hoping that a hole would appear under him and take him wherever because Professor Snape's eyes scanned him as if he was actually thinking about how he could let Neville vanish without it looking suspicious.

„Six Years", the taller man huffed. „and you still don't know how to read. You were supposed to take a pinch of bat ears and not a handful!"

Snape turned around and swept away his robes flying -naturally- behind him. At this moment he really did look like a giant bat, though Neville would have put him in the category of giant killer bats.

Finally able to take a deep breath, Neville relaxed his tense shoulders. But still not being able to completely see from the cold sweat running from his forehead into his eyes, he did not realize that, as he put the last ingredients in the kettle, he had accidentally grasped for the Unicorn horn.

And the next thing he knew, was a big bang, something cool on his face and everything disappears.

..

Somewhere far away from Hogwarts...

in a dusty dungeon, someone was brewing a potion too.

„And now put the veela hair in Wormtail."

The addressed small man was so fixed onto the Dark Lord before him that he did not realise what he was putting into the kettle.

„No not the Unicorn horn you idiot!", his master screamed.

Wormtail immediately got on his knees trying to touch the end of Voldemorts dress.

„I am so sorry my Master, I'm not worthy of breathing the same air as you, how will you ever be able to forgive me?"

Voldemort rolled his eyes. It really wasn't a surprise that he hadn't caught Potter; since he was surrounded by idiots. He tried to carefully free his dress from the sweaty grips of the man laying on the ground who was now also drooling onto his new Gucci shoes.

But before he could tell Wormtail to fuck off there was a loud bang something cool hit him and everything went black.

.

Wormtail slowly began crawling towards the Dark Lord.

„Master?"

When Voldemort did not move he slowly pressed a finger into the rib cage of the unconscious creature.

„My Lord...?"

Still no reaction.

Wormtail began wildly to shake the body of his unconscious Master, but without anything happening.

After a few seconds of stunned silents, Peter gathered up and began running up the stair while screaming for help.

It just so happened that Lucius Malfoy just got home and wanted to see where the Dark Lord was, when the screaming man ran into him, almost falling to the ground if Lucius hadn't been able to hold onto him in the last second.

And before Lucius was able to ask why Wormtail was screaming around as if he had lost his mind, which he already had, Peter began to yelp right into the blondes face.

„I killed the Dark Lord", he said as he began cleaning his running nose with the rope of the death eater.

„Ew get away from me, do you know how much these ropes cost?", Lucius said while pushing the smaller man to the floor. „Why are you even crying? It's disgusting."

Peter wasn't even listening anymore, as he began slamming his head against the wall.

„I. Killed. The. Dark. Lord.", he said between the thumps of his head hitting the wall.

„What are you talking about? The Dark Lord can not die.", the tall man said while gripping onto the smaller one and forcing him to look into his eyes.

„But he isn't moving."

Rolling his eyes, Lucius pulled Wormtail behind him down the stairs to the dungeon saying: „Come one, I will handle it."

arriving in the room of the Happenings, Lucius let go of Peter as soon as he saw the body of the dark Lord laying on the ground.

„Wormtail you complete Walnut, what have you done?!"

Peter looked at him shocked. „I-I don't know. I just- I killed him. He will not forgive me for this one, I can feel it. I'm gonna plan my funeral."

Lucius decided to ignore him as he began talking about what kind of flowers he wanted at his funeral, and turned around to the pale body on the ground.

Somehow Lucius knew that this was only the beginning of a really troublesome week.


	2. Chapter 2

In Hogwarts...

...Snape was about to have a heart attack. His entire beautiful classroom was covered in parts of the potion. It looked like Fluffy ran through it while trying to get a ball.

The natural disaster that had caused this mess, laid on the floor, unconscious.

The Slytherin leaned back, knowing that this would be the last of Longbottom that they would ever see.

Snape pulled out his wand and it was really impressive how much his carotid artery could stand out, without to burst. One could see all the different emotions that stood on the faces of his students. One half got ready for the show -wishing that they had something to eat- and the other half feared for Neville's life -justifiably-.

The furious teacher hissed the boy's name and Neville slowly began to move. Relieved and disappointed sights were heard.

Neville looked up and almost fell back to unconsciousness.

Snape towered over the poor boy, asking himself if he could keep his job if he'd send Longbottom to Peru and would afterwards, in court, plead on self-defence. He, of course, could also make the boy's death look like an accident. In his head, he was already practising what to tell the Auror when he was questioned. 'Oh but Officer it was an accident. No one would have ever thought that this would happen to him. He was so young. I will miss him dearly.' NOT

But it seemed that his Professor was feeling especially kind, or he maybe just didn't want a free ticket to Azkaban.

„Twenty points from Gryffindor and a ten pages long essay on what the purpose of this subject is.", Snape growled and went to look at the class. And after throwing Neville one last look, hoping it would kill him, he said, looking at the class again: „Get out."

Everyone hurried to get out of the classroom.

Neville stopped in front of the classroom and took a deep breath. „Fuck man, I thought that that would be your end.", Seamus said stopping beside him.

„Yeah me too.", breathed Neville while rubbing his aching head.

0

It happened in the great hall, just as he put some of the fried potatoes in his mouth, he heard a harsh Voice asking: „Where, the Salazar, am I?"

Neville began coughing, trying to get rid of the food in his throat, thinking that he had just been able to get away from Snape, to suffocate on fried Potatoes.

He was able to swallow the lump of food and relieved took a breath.

„Are you alright, Longbottom?", Seamus asked.

Neville nodded with a red head.

„Did you say that?"

„What? If you are alright?"

„No before that."

Seamus slowly slid a few inches away from him „No, I did not say anything else."

/I asked that/

Neville flinched.

„Who is 'I'?", he whispered.

Seamus threw Neville one last suspicious look before getting up and sitting two seats away from him. 

/You ask who I am? Who I AM? Get on your knees and kiss the ground I walk on, I am Lord Voldemort!"/

And that was enough for Neville to faint, once again.

000

In the Dungeon...

...Lucius was stumped.

„For fuck's sake, I've tried everything! I don't know anything else! He is just not waking up!"

Lucius was running circles in the small room, while Womrtail was still busy trying to chop through the wall with his head.

„Could you stop? I can't think with the sound of your empty head hitting the wall."

With a bruise, some blood running down on his face and a concussion, Peter stopped.

„Will he be alright?"

Lucius turned around to him breathing heavily.

„Alright?! I don't even know if he is all left! I will owl the others, maybe they will know what's wrong, even is I'm sure that they won't."

000

Back in Hogwarts...

... woke Neville up, Madam Pomfrey looking down at him and smiling.

„Ah Mister Longbottom, you are finally awake. I heard from your accident in Potions and I have to tell you that you should have come right to me.

Neville did not listen but still nodded his head, because he realised at some point in his life that nodding always helped in a situation.

He was sure that he just hallucinated this voice because it was impossible for You-know-who to be in Hogwarts.

/What do you mean I'm in Hogwarts? You can't be serious!/

„UHAAAAAA", Neville began screaming.

Madam Pomfrey took a hissing breath.

„Mister Longbottom, you almost scared me to death. What's the matter?"

Shanking Nevill slowly laid back on the bed, deciding that he wouldn't tell anyone about this ominous Voice.

„Nothing. Everything is alright, I guess."

„Are you sure?", Poppy looked more than sceptical and Neville hurried to nod. Still, warily she nodded and pointed at the bed he was currently laying on. „Alright then, you will stay the night. If you need something just call me."

With one last leery look, she walked through the door into her office.

=I am completely insane... mad... crazy.=

/Stop whining. Who even are you?/

=I'm not hearing that.=

/Of course, you hear me./

Neville covered his ears, whining but had to realise that the voice wasn't impressed. Like at all.

/Seriously stop whining boy and tell me your freaking name./

„Neville Longbottom", he whispered as quietly as possible, not wanting Madam Pomfrey to hear him.

/Longbottom... Longbottom... Oh, Merlin, you are the Loser Longbottom Snape told me about, right?/

„I am", the scared boy squeaked and began slowly whipping his body and held his head when the Drak Lord screamed:

/By Salazar, this can't be happening. It had to be me! What did I ever do to be punished with this? Great...my Life is going just great. I am stuck inside the head of a Loser! Fan-fucking-tastic!"

Neville sprung out of bed and knocked repeatedly against the door of the Mediwhich.

The door opened and before he Which could ask why he was pounding against her door, he said: 

„I need something to sleep.", trying to ignore the raging Lord in his head.

Poppy nodded and gave him a small bottle with a lilac liquid inside.

„One sip is enough."

Precaution Neville swallowed the entire bottle -just to make really sure that he would be able to sleep- and gave the Healer a heart attack.

„ I SAID ONE SIP!", she screamed, but Neville didn't hear that anymore because everything went black for the third time of this day and that was even for him a new Record.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Neville saw when he woke up, was a furious Mediwitch.

„Didn't I tell you that ONE sip was enough? What did you think it would do? You could have fallen into a coma."

That seemed about right, even if a coma appeared to be a bit drastic, Neville just wanted to escape the hallucinations at all cost.

/Excuse me?/

=This can't be real, this can't be happening!"

/You tell me./

Neville was so busy thinking about the voice in his head that he forgot to answer Madame Pomfrey, who snorted which let Neville jump.

„You can go now, you stupid boy!"

Nevile slowly walked out of the hospital wing, still thinking about the voice.

=What will I do? I am insane. I hear voices -and not even any voice, I hear the voice of You-know-who.=

/It seems that we're stuck together, so you can call me Dark Lord or Master./

=No you crazy man! Merlin, I am speaking to myself!=

/Well actually you're talking to the darkest wizard of all time and yes, you can be proud of that/

The voice laughed patronizingly and made Neville ran into a wall as he realised that he would actually go insane if this voice would hang around.

=Oh great! Now I'm allowed to be proud of going insane? Oh, thank you, my darkest Lord=

/That seemed a bit sarcastic to me./

Too deepened in his conversation he did not pay any attention to where he was going and ran into somebody.

„Hey Loser, watch where you are going."

The Slytherin, that Neville had not seen, pushed him onto the floor and walked away.

„Sorry", Neville whispered.

/So you're just gonna let him walk away and not do anything?/

=Yes...=

/And he says Yes/

Neville got up from the floor and carried on his way towards the great hall.

/Seriously though, why didn't you do anything about it? You are a Wizard, for Salazar's Sake!/

=I don't know, I just can't really defend myself.=

/What do you mean you can't? There's not much to it! A little Crucio here, a little Crucio there and you'll have a new perspective on the world./

=The Crucio is forbidden!=

/That's right, he is forbidden because he is effective./

=He is forbidden because it is cruel.=

/Alright, alright. I don't have anything to say about this right? You, go have fun getting bullied./

Meanwhile, Neville arrived in the Great Hall and sat down at the Griffyndow Table and went to grab a Crossaint when The Lord in his head began violently screaming.

/POTTER! There is Potter! Go get him, Little man, eh, eh, stab him! Stab him with your Butterknife or something!/

=No you crazy man, Harry is my friend!=

Everything was quiet in his head. It seemed that Voldemort had fallen unconscious.

Happy that Neville finally was alone, he began eating his croissant.

On his way to Transfiguration, he heard a groan from the Dark Lord; it seemed that the Lord was back.

/What- what happened, was it a dream?/

=Yeah you wish=

/Damn it/

Neville reached the Classroom just before Professor McGonagall did and hurried to sit down.

/Now would you look at that, Minerva, Tell me, little man, does she till do that Cat trick?/

=Eh, Yeah sometimes.=

/That's what I thought. Just as Narrow-minded as Dumbledore./

Neville did not answer because said narrow- minded Professor stood right in front of him looking really irritated.

„Mr Longbottom, your last test was a catastrophe, you'll have to work hard to pass the exam."

„Yes Professor.", Neville whispered and looked down on his desk.

=Oh man, I won't be able to pass the exam=

There was a long pause before the Dark Lord answered.

/Well you know, it really isn't that hard/

Another pause.

/...I wasn't good in Transfiguration either./

=Yeah right=

Voldemort did not answer him after that, but as soon Neville tried to listen to McGonagall the Lord began talking about everything he could think about, without stopping. It seemed that he had made it his job to drive Neville crazy.

Neville was seriously thinking about talking to Dumbledore about it and of course, the Dark Lord could not leave that thought without any comment.

/Yeah sure you go do that. Albus will be so happy to hear about it. I mean he definitely won't believe you, but just to make sure he will hold a lecture about how I am a bad person and let me tell you these are deadly boring. Why do you think I wanted to be immortal? And besides that, he will send us to St. Mungo's./

=But maybe he can help me to get rid of you!=

/YOU want to get rid of ME? What do you think I'm doing here? I am not on vacation./

Neville almost missed the end of the subject because of the conversation he was having with himself. He hurried to throw his things into his back run into the dungeons. Just thinking about the next two hours with Snape gave him goosebump.

/Hey, good idea! You'll ask Snape, I'm sure he'll manage something./

=Yeah, maybe not. I am not that desperate after all.=

/Maybe you aren't but I, sure as heck, am... Don't tell me the bat scares you./

/Of course, he scares me!/

=Are you serious right now? Snape scares you, but I don't? What kind of bullshit is that? Did I work years for the reputation of a dark lord, just for some old bat, coming in with flying robes, to push me off my throne? Yes, I did. That's not right!/

=Yeah well, at least Snape is real!=

Neville was still completely sure that none of this was real. Why would the dark Lord especially decide to show up in his head?

/What do I know? It's Wormtails fault!/

„Longbottom, where is the essay?", snapped Snape and Neville winced, being brought back to reality.

Before he could say something Hermione jumped up to protect Neville from the big bad bat.

„Sir, Neville could not write his essay, because he was in the hospital wing and-"

„Did I ask you, Granger?"

Hermione sat down with red cheeks, not looking at anyone.

„Twenty Pages till tomorrow, Longbottom.", said Snape in a threatening tone and Neville could only imagine what would happen if he would not finish the essay.

=Shit=

/Well would you look at that he can actually be strict. Now tell who is lassie over there?/

=Hermione? She is the best friend of Harry.=

/Well she doesn't have any style, but she does have a cute butt, why don't you go out with her sometime?/

=I will not do that and now stop thinking about her boobs.=

/You don't grant me anything, do you?/

Neville got all the ingredients and began the potion.

/Why does Severus scare you so much?/

=Because... oh, I don't know, he is just really scary!=

/And what about me? I'm not the nice uncle that lives down the street! It's just really not okay that you think that Snape is- Hey no more Micetails, two is enough!/

=Oh right, thanks. You know he never liked me, I don't know why but he never did.=

/ Then let's shock the good old Severus; I'll tell you what to do./

And with that Voldemort guided Neville through the potion and they did what no one thought to be possible, Neville gave the Professor a perfect Potion.

Oh, if you could have seen the look on Snape's face you would have a good laugh for the rest of your life.

=Wow we did it, thanks!=

/Don't thank me, kid, I'm feeling social right now./


	4. Chapter 4

Somewhere in Nowhere...

... gained Lucius Malfoy his first grey hairs.

„Did you figure something out Lucius?"

„Does it fucking look like it, Nott?", he spat and pointed at the body of the Lord laying on the ground still not moving.

Nott took one step back and raised his hands.

„No need to yell, old friend."

„NO NEED TO YELL? The dark Lord lays unconscious in my basement! If the Minister pays me a courtesy visit, I'm fucked! How am I supposed to explain this? If you know something, go ahead Nott I would like to hear you explain to the Minister why I have the body of the dark Lord laying around."

Nott took another step back and peered towards the staircase just in case if Lucius would completely lose his mind and he would have to run.

„Well, then get him out of here."

Malfoys face turned the colour of a cherry, which made Nott look longingly at the staircase.

„What do you think I've been trying to do? He can't be moved!"

Nott looked confused at the other Deatheater. „What?"

Malfoy took a deep breath. „This Body...", wildly gesticulating at the body. „... cannot be moved. He lays there as if he is glued to the floor. You can not move him one bit."

„That- that really seems to be a problem. Ehm where is- where is Wormtail?"

Lucius facepalmed.

„Fuck I forgot him on the rack."

A long silence followed, with Nott asking if he really heard right.

„What the fuck is he doing on the rack?"

Disgruntled Lucius waved his hand.

„This situation is his fault, And I had to calm myself somehow! I've been really stressed these past hours, okay?"

Upstairs a door fell close and Lucius paled instantly.

„Merlin, Narcissa is home. If she finds the Lord, she will kill us all. Come one! Get the blanket and cover him up! And then help me, we have to place the table over him."

Not looked nervous towards the staircase; that Narcissa found them down here trying to cover things up, really wasn't what he wanted.

„Get your shit together, Nott!"

Lucius sounded terrified and Nott hastened to his side to cover the Dark Lord with a blanket and then to move the Table.

The Dark Lord was disguised, but before they had a chance to breathe, they heard from the other room, „What are you doing on my rack?"

Nott decided that this was the time for him to run up the stairs, leaving Lucius with his furious wife.

000

In Hogwarts...

...Neville was still so happy about the potion, that he did not think about him running into people on his way, but of course, he ran into someone all too familiar.

„Watch it!", hissed Blaise Zabini and stroke with a blase gesture his dark hair back.

„Sorry Blaise", Neville said not looking up with red cheeks.

„The name is Zabini", spat the handsome Slytherin with red cheeks looking down at the boy in front of him. He turned around and walked away with a small smile on his face.

Neville couldn't help but look after him. He sighed as his eyes wandered to his wide shoulders.

/Ehhh you can't be serious, right?/

=What do you mean?=

/If I am correct, there are pictures in your head that... well that aren't really heterosexual./

=Well yeah of course not, I like boys.=

/Oh right, of course... AHHHHH I could write a book about how much pain you are causing me. You know what I will!... Just so you know, it won't be happening, because he will be a death eater at some point./

=Last year we had Sex a couple of times, since then I have to think about him all the time.=

Neville stared into nothing, still sitting on the floor, dreaming about the boy of his dreams.

/Oh so he likes men? Remember me to scratch Zabini from the Deatheaterlist./

=Oh wow, you are really Narrow-minded=

/I am the Dark Lord I don't tolerate people, that would ruin the image of me being the darkest Lord./

=You know, when you aren't being a crazy man or a jerk, you're kind of nice.=

/I will pretend like I did not hear that, little man./

Besides the normal fact that he was talking to the Dark Lord, even if Neville still wasn't completely sure if it really was him, the day was like every other.

After Dinner Neville sat down to write the essay for Snape. While he was writing, the Dark Lord mused to himself and let the day play on review.

/I just- don't really know little man, the teachers think you are underprivileged, the students use you as a punchbag or heartache box and you have a crush on someone that does not even really notice you. I don't want to be mean or anything but your life sucks./

Neville did not answer- because just this once, Voldemort was actually right.


	5. Chapter 5

In the Malfoy dungeon...

... stood Lucius in front of his wife, trying to look as innocent as possible.

„What is the meaning of this?", screamed Narcissa Malfoy, while shaking Womrtail, whom she was holding at his collar, to show what she was talking about.

Her Husband smiled while wiping away the sweat from his forehead; trying to get along with Narcissa while she was that tense, wasn't really something he wanted to do and tried to avoid.

„What- What do you mean, Narcissa my Love? There is nothing happening here at all."

„Don't you dare to lie to my face, I know you too well. What are you hiding, Lucius?"

A shaky laugh clang through the dungeon.

„How do you always come up with these ideas, Love?"

Narcissa lifted her Eyebrow and looked at Wormtail.

„Speak Freak, what did you do?"

Lucius silently cursed. He should have put Peter into the iron maiden. Narcissa wouldn't have found him that quickly then.

Narcissa began threateningly growling.

„I killed the Dark Lord and Lucius tried to cover it up!"

He pointed at the table. Narcissa looked at her Husband with an I-knew-it-look and let Wormtail fall to the ground to look closer at the table.

Lucius was currently planning his last will when his wife discovered the body and began -justifiably- to scream.

„Salazar, I can't believe how stupid you are!"

„But Love-"

„Do you want to ruin us?"

„No darling-"

„Get this out of my house!"

„I-"

„Right now!"

„But-"

„What do you expect me to say to our Neighbours when they bring us to Azkaban?"

That they did not have any Neighbours did not really matter at this moment.

Lucius kept quiet letting his wife scream about how Draco would have to live alone and how she would never be able to find out what the newest witch-trend was, which was promised to stand in the next magazine.

„I am not even gone a whole hour and you're already throwing oriegs!"

„No orgies, my love-"

„Oh really? Why was the rat in my pleasure chamber then? And why is the Dark Lord laying on the floor? Please enlighten me."

He, of course, wasn't really able to do that, because Narcissa did not let him speak.

„He'll better be gone till tomorrow. And Merlin helps you if you dare to show up, upstairs."

And with that, she was gone.

Lucius let out a breath feeling his blood level rise once again. He looked at Peter with a twitching eye.

„You, go to the pleasure room, I am so stressed right now."

000

The next morning at Hogwarts...

...Neville sat tiredly at the Gryffindor table.

Hermione looked at him worried leaning to him over the table. „Neville, are you even awake?"

„What? Sorry, Hermione, I didn't listen to you.", Neville answered, rubbing his eyes.

/Hey, lean a bit in and some to the left, yeah that's good and now eyes straight... perfect!/

=What...?=

„Are you staring at my breasts, Neville?", Hermione asked indignantly and the boy's cheeks began flaming in a bright pink colour.

„Oh... ehm... no... I..."

=You Idiot! What do you think she will think of me?=

„If I hadn't known that you had a Crush on Zabini I would have slapped you.", she said laughing.

Neville was relieved that Hermione seemed to believe him.

„I didn't even look! At least I didn't want to.", he tried to explain while smiling apologetically.

/I did./

=You're gonna get me in trouble!=

/You are so petty! We looked once and did nothing else, even though I could do so many things with this cute little butt/

=Or maybe you won't do those things.=

At this moment Blaise walked by and Neville remembered things that you shouldn't share with the voice in your head.

Voldemort made a choking sound.

/Ihhh... think about something else! I am here too!/

=And now tell me who's being petty=

But since Neville was a nice boy he began thinking about a girl.

/Ihhhhh... who's that?/

=Panys Parkinson=

/She looks like a horse/

=She is a Slytherin=

/Stop thinking about her and think about the boy again, before I switch the broom too!/

=Ohhh, come on Voldi, I am sure she is willing to do more than just for you to look at her.=

/Stop making stupid Jokes, Little man./

Neville walked to his next class, grinning.


	6. Chapter 6

In the cellar...

... Nott and Dolohow were visiting Malfoy, to see what kind of progress he did while they were gone but Lucius Malfoy was sitting in the corner of the room looking at the wall.

„So, you weren't able to do it?"

„Does it look like it, Dolohow?"

„Did Cissy see him?"

„Yep"

„And what did she say?"

„Quite a lot actually but summarized; get him out or you will die."

„Maybe, if you are lucky, she wants to get divorced."

"Maybe if I am lucky she marries you after that, Dolohow!", Lucius hissed, finally looking at Dolohow, who was now, disturbingly pale.

„I did not mean it like that."

Clueless, the three men looked down on their Master.

„Maybe you could build a wall around him?", thought Nott out loud.

„And how does that help this situation?", asked Lucius irritated.

„Well, he wouldn't be lying around like that."

„Yeah, I don't think so. I couldn't sleep one night in this house. What if he wakes up?", yelled Lucius and alerted Narcissa.

„What he is still here? And you invited your friends over? Great, let's just throw a big party!"

The shrill shrieking made the three death eaters jump.

„We're trying to think about what to do, Cissy.", Nott tried to calm Narcissa which only made it worse.

„So you are thinking? You are too dumb to find your own ass if the lord doesn't tell you where it is. I will owl Bella now. Because who knows, the Lord would probably still lie here at Eastern."

Easement spread through the room when the door slammed shut behind her.

„Fucking Menopause", Lucius mumbled as the other two men pat his shoulder.

000

In Hogwarts...

... was the Lord losing his mind.

/Stop looking at him! That's so showy! And with the sad puppy look- just throw yourself to his feet. That would be easier./

=I can't do anything about it!=

/Merlin why couldn't I have landed in the Malfoy boys head? But of course not! It had to be you!/

=If you mean Draco, I have to agree; I would have liked that better too. Besides that, you would have got to know Harry good, like really good.=

/...What do you mean?/

=Just look at them=

Neville turned his head to look at Harry and Draco, who was currently in a hot make-out session.

/I, eh, I am sure that does not mean anything./

=Yeah that does not mean anything, since the beginning of this year./

/Dammit, slowly I don't have any Baby Death Eaters left. I've been asking myself, why the pureblood lines are slowly dying, now I know why; they're all gay./

=Not everyone, just some=

/Yeah well these 'some' were my last hope. /

=Maybe you should sort out your priorities.=

/That wouldn't be my style, now would it?/

=I didn't remember you having style.=

/Of course, I have style! I am Lord Voldemort./

=Right...=

/Do you wanna tell me something, Little man?/

=I don't believe that you are this person. You-know-who doesn't tell stupid jokes or looks at girls boobs.=

/Well duh, not while being me. I have a reputation. But now I can live my best life because no one will believe you./

He did have a point. No one would ever believe him. And now that he was thinking about it, this could actually be the Dark Lord.

/Do you always take this long to understand?/

=Shit! I am fucked! If Granny finds out that I am possed by You-know-who, she will kill me!=

/...Are you actually fucking kidding me? You are scared of Snape and your Granny, but you are not afraid of me?/

=Well you aren't exactly capable of doing anything right now, are you? And maybe you will always be stuck in my head.=

/Salazar, protect me. My Death Eaters aren't capable of doing anything on their own. I'm glad they are able to wipe their ass on their own./

Herbology was over so Neville made his way to his next class which let the dark Lord scream of delight.

/Defense against the Dark Arts, this is so great! I've always wanted to know what they teach you./

=Dumbledore teaches this class.=

/This oddball is still allowed to teach students? Poor you./

=I like him!=

/That's because you don't have to listen to a moral lecture, every time you see him./

=You are so mean.=

/One of us has to be the evil one./

=So you don't actually want to be evil?=

/I just wanted the world domination but no this wannabe hero has to ruin it!/

=And its of course never your fault.=

/Of course not! I am a genius!/

=But your brilliant plans didn't really go as planned.=

/That was Potters fault. He is like a pimple on your ass, he just won't go away./

Dumbledore waited for his student with a mellow smile.

/Ahhh... look at that. I could throw up. No one is always nice and I bet that Albus is actually the worst of them all!/

The lesson began and the Lord couldn't help but comment on everything Dumbledore said.

/That's dates back to the stone age. And with this, he wants to destroy me? How adorable./

=Well Harry is supposed to destroy you=

/Oh really? Do you believe that Superpotter is competent enough to do so?/

=It's his destiny, he is the chosen one.=

/Welcome to the Matrix.../

=What?=

/Nevermind, Little man./

„Mr Longbottom please stay after class, the others please go to your next class.", said Dumbledore at the end of the lesson.

/Do you think he noticed?/

=No idea=

/Just look as innocent as you possibly can./

Neville tried to follow the advice of the Lord and looked at Dumbledore with his best Wasn't-me-look.

„Mr Longbottom, you already know that the holidays begin on Saturday. You will travel from the fireplace in my office, be at 9 o'clock on time."

Neville and the Lord took a deep breath.

/At least no lecture, you got lucky./

„Thank you, sir."

Infront of the classroom Neville suddenly stopped and gasped.

=I can't go home!=

/Why?/

=Because of you!=

/I won't bother you. I will just be in your head, chilling out./

=Granny will realise that something is wrong.=

/Bla, Bla no one realised until now, probably because you are already weird./

=I'm not weird!=

/Of course you are! I don't know anyone else who is as much as a Loser as you. No wait, Womrtail is too!/

=It's my decision. isn't it?=

/I am in your Body, Little man! If you are a Loser, I am a Loser too and will be treated as one. I'm not used to being treated like this./

=And what do you want me to do?=

/Stop whining and kick some ass."

=But... I don't do stuff like that.=

/So what I don't give Life advice either but look at me now, I jumped over my shadow for you./

=But why do you want to do something so selfless? I mean you.=

/Oh you know, I don't have anything else planned for today./

=And where do you want me to start?=

/With your clothes./

=Why? What's wrong with my clothes?=

/You look like an Idiot./

=That is so not true.=

/Oh really? Who runs around still wearing a Pullunder? Idiots. Ha!/

=Granny bought is for me.=

/Yeah and that's what is exactly looks like. Do you want me to help or not?/

=Well yes... but...=

/Stop complaining and go upstairs. I have to know what is in your closet... it obviously isn't you./


	7. Chapter 7

In Hogwarts...

... Neville stood in front of his mirror, looking sceptical.

=I'm not sure...=

/I think it looks great!/

=But all in black?=

/Black is trendy and also my favorite colour./

Neville tilted his head and fiddled and the shirt that was loosely falling over black skinny jeans. If one looked closely it was really an improvement.

/See I told you and now your hair./

=What is wrong with my hair?=

/This tacky side parting hairstyle does not work at all, honey and is terribly old-fashioned. That's what my hair looked like when I went to school and let me tell you, that was a few years ago./

Not really happy with the denigration of his new appearance, Neville tried half-heartedly to correct his hair.

=But Granny will be angry, she likes my hair like this.=

/Oh and does Blaise like it?/

Neville took a deep breath. He knew that this was a trap, but the thought of him was just too tempting.

=And you really... You really think Blaise will like it?=

/Yes, and now wand out, we will do some magic on this pretty little head of yours./

Groaning Neville pulled out his wand and tried hesitantly the first spell.

/That's... really pink... and besides that, the pigtails are just silly. Try again./

=I'm trying, okay?=

One spell later:

/You look like an exploded poodle./

=Yes. I. Know.=

Neville was slowly losing his mind and let the wild curls disappear just to-

/Tell me little man, do you wanna rebel against something?/

Terrified, looked Neville at the Slytherin-green Mohican.

=That was an accident.=

/Oh and I thought you wanted to give your Granny a heart attack./

After an hour of disastrous hairstyles, Neville finally got to a hairstyle that was Lord approved.

/Perfect, black would, of course, be even better but then you would look like Potter and we really don't want that./

=I'm not really sure... Is that really me? I can't even recognize myself.=

/Yeah, well that was our goal in this mission. And now, go your way little man and crucio some people, to make me happy./

=I don't think so.=

/It was a joke, rest your chest, my man./

=I have never heard a worse joke.=

/Well honey, you are stuck with me./

000

In the dungeon...

... Bellatrix had already arrived and cried over the chest of the Lord.

„Oh Master, what did these idiotic fools do to you? Wake up. Your Bella is here."

Lucius rolled his eyes when his head began hurting once again, because of her shrill voice; that sounded like she was talking to a baby and not to an Undead Lord.

„Bellatrix he won't wake up. We've already tried everything.", said Nott.

She whirled around. „How can you say that? He is still breathing!", she screamed like the mad woman she was while poking Nott with her wand.

„Because that's the only thing he still does.", growled Lucius, whose nerves were frazzled.

„You are all so mean! Don't listen to what they are saying, my Lord. Your Bella will take care of you, like always..."

Lucius was fighting an acute gagging when he saw that Bellatrix was carefully patting the Lord's pale cheek. He was just about to leave the room to go into Narcissa's Pleasure Room when Dolohow began talking.

„I still think we should build a wall around him. No one needs to know that he is gone, we can do whatever we want, in the name of the dark lord, of course."

„You can't do that!", screamed Bellatrix and threw herself on the body of the Lord, trying to protect him. „After everything he has done for you! You are all cowards!"

Lucius was trying to calm the pounding in his head.

„Definitely not!", intervened Narcissa. „ A sarcophagus does not suit our ambiente."

„Well an undead Dark Lord doesn't either, now does it?", quipped Nott, just for both Woman to glare at him.

Lucius was seriously thinking about putting Narcissa and Bella with inside the wall. He would've two fewer problems.

000

In Hogwarts...

... Neville was really insecure about his makeover He walked into the common room deciding that he would just walk straight through it not looking at anyone when a voice stopped him.

„Neville?"

He turned around to see Hermione staring at him, looking stunned.

/Heeeelllllooooooo Ladies!/

„What is it, Hermione?", Neville asked innocent and the girl looked at him approving.

„You look different."

/Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself./

=Stop drooling.=

/Pardon./

„I thought I could change my style up a bit and this is how it turned out."

Neville spun around and Hermione clapped excitedly.

„Wow, I mean you really did it."

/I know, I am just really great. Are you sure you don't want to ask her on a date...?/

=No dates with any girls.=

/Not even a small one? It doesn't has to be long! After everything I did for you?/

=That won't work on me.=

/Dammit that always works on Gryffindors./

„Thank you, Hermione.", Neville grinned and made his way to the Great hall. Maybe Blaise would notice him now...

/Hey! I didn't say anything about that/

=And what was that about, Blaise not liking my hair?=

/A poorly camouflaged try to manipulate you./

=But if you help me, I could do it!=

/Not a chance. If it would be Hermione, without hesitation, but Blaise? No./

=Oh come one!=

/No./

Neville scurried into a Toilette and look with big, sad eyes into the mirror.

=Please?=

/Oh no! This look won't work on my young man! I am merciless, I am mean, I do not feel anything and I.../

Neville's eyes had in the meantime widened to the size of a coaster and he even let his lip quiver.

/I'm pretty sure that Gryffindors weren't so ignorant, in my time./

The Lord groaned annoyed and Neville began grinning at his next words.

/Salazar! Fine! I will get him to notice you. You won't be able to make this up to me, ever; you know that, right? And don't you dare to talk about this to anyone. If this gets out career will be ruined!/

=I won't tell anyone, I promise!=

/You better./

000

Meanwhile in the dungeon...

More and more people were people found their way inside.

Rookwood and MacNair had also decided to show up but hadn't brought any good ideas.

Malfoy had in the meantime decided that he wouldn't live his life worrying about a dark Lord laying in his dungeon and that it was perfectly normal and that it could have happened to anyone.

Bellatrix was still mad at them for bringing the idea up that they could build a wall.

„I think it's for the best.", said Rookwood and MacNair nodded in approvement.

„I will not let that happen! I will not leave him here!", Bella screamed still holding on to the Lord.

„We live in a free country, lovely sister in law. But don't think it will stop me to build the wall while you are still with him inside.", Lucius said bored but silently hoping she would agree but groaned when his wife began boring her sharp heel into his foot.

„Lucius, she is my sister! Of course, we will not do that.", hissed Narcissa. „Isn't there anything else you can think of?"

The men looked at each other, each hoping that one of them had an idea, but nothing.

„Ehm... No...?", stammered Nott.

„And you call yourself Death Eaters? You are cowards and idiots."

And with that the door behind her closed. Lucius took a deep breath. One problem is gone, he looked at Bella and his Master, still two to go.

000

In Hogwarts...

... Neville and the Dark Lord were discussing how to get Blaise to notice him.

=How should I start?=

/How should I know?/

=You promised to help me!=

/Just make out and see what happens./

=Are you out of your mind?=

/Obviously I am because let's be honest, would I really help you if I weren't?/

=Well how would you do it?=

/I already told you./

=But that won't work!=

/It worked when I was younger. Girls like bad boys./

=Maybe, but Blaise is not a girl.=

/Well that's not my fault./

=I don't think this will work like this.=

/Ask him if he would like to learn with you for the exam./

=What am I? Twelve? No, I will not do that.=

/All you do is complain! What did you expect? That he would make the first move?/

=Well... kinda...=

/Try twerking in front of his face, I heard one of the Death Eaters kids say that would get every boy./

=I think I will actually die of laughter.=

/Yeah I wish. But hey, if it won't work out with Blaise, we still have Hermione./

=Stop it! It won't happen alright?=

/Party pooper./

Neville was so busy discussing with the Lord that did not see the person they were talking about walking towards him until it was too late and they crushed into each other.

„Merlin Longbottom watch were you are g- why do you look like... that?", asked Blaise with wide eyes while his eyes wandered about Neville's appearance.

=What am I supposed to say?=

/That's none of your goddamn business./

=What? I can't say that!=

/Why not? It will spark his interest in you./

„I asked you something! Hey, Longbottom!", Blaise yelled while waving his hand in front of Neville's face.

„What? Oh... ehm... that's none of your, ehm, goddamn business?", stammered Neville, not entirely sure of what he was doing.

Blaise' face turned red and he took one deep, angry breath. „Who do you think you are talking too?", he spat and Neville really wanted someone to take him away from this nightmare.

/Look who's talking./

„Look who's talking.", repeated Neville well behaved.

/Oops you weren't supposed to say that./

=Fuck=

Blaise paled just to turn a bright red once again, before he glared at the poor boy in front of him and turned around, stomping away.

Neville looked after him, asking himself if this was the end of the beginning.

=Look what you did!=

/Me? Of course, I am the one who gets accused of everything bad in this world. It was always like this./

=I think this was the last time I'll ever see him.=

/No you have potions with him./

=That does not help me, at all.=

/Stop whining and run after him and give him a big ol' kiss./

=Oh yeah, I am sure that he would be delighted.=

/What would life be without trying everything possible?/

=Do you ever stop talking?=

Neville sat don at the Gryffindor desk. Just ten minutes before the world looked pink, with flowers everywhere and now it was a muddy brown, with every flower dying because of clima change. Careful he looked at the Slytherin table, to be met with a mad Blaise still glaring at him. Frustrated Neville looked the teapot, seriously thinking about drowning himself.

/No! Your hair has never looked better!/

=Blaise still looks pretty mad.=

/Yeah but at least he noticed you. He's still looking at you! How exciting! Now I know what the girls felt like. Give him a little wave!/

=No you crazy man!=

/I think these are your hormones talking. Does Blaisy Boy really have a birthmark on his butt?/

Nevile groaned – he should be more careful of what he thinks of.

„Looking good, Neville!", said, Harry, while touching his shoulder.

„Hi, Harry.", greeted Neville timid and the Lord couldn't hold back.

/At least you are not crushing on him. That's more than I can take. In general, I've been really social lately. Look what you've done little man!/

„Tell me, Neville, are you alright? You've been weird lately, I mean weirder than before.", Harry looked at him with an asking look and the Lord snorted annoyed.

/Just like Dumbledore, always interfering when it's really none of your business/

„What do you mean weird, Harry?"

„Well firstly you are 50 percent of the time I see you unconscious and then you are good in potions and now new clothes? I mean I can't even recognize you!"

=Oh you know, I hear a voice and he does not like you.=

/That's right! You tell that wannabe hero!"

Neville tried not to grin and shrugged.

„You know Harry, I'm just trying to change some things in life."

„Hey, I like that idea! But what do you wanna change? Do you not like it that way?", Harry looked at Neville with wide sceptical eyes.

/He... Merlin, he is an idiot./

„Because it's not really that great. My life sucks."

Harry nodded: „You know, now that I think about it..."

/Hopefully, he won't overwork himself with that./

„... I have to agree."

/Congratulation! He really did that! Without any help. And this is your hero? You've already lost kid./

=At least he's nice.=

/Oh great! That will, of course, save him. You know what, I will just yield. Because if he starts his Dumbledore bullshit I won't be able to take over the world because I am slowly dying of boredom!/

=Harry's not stupid...=

/No, of course, not.../

=He's good in Dark Arts!=

/Oh yeah because your topic is so hard./

=Stop it!=

000

In the dungeon...

... Lucius was done.

Bellatrix had begun a sit-strike and was now just sitting, not moving, in front of the Lord with her Wand out to hex anyone who would come to close.

Lucius was seriously thinking about leaving the country. He already saw himself walking through a jungle when he got a better idea: Snape.

Snape was able to handle every situation and even if he couldn't he would still be there to blame. Because Snape always pretended that he was the best, so, now, he could finally prove himself.


	8. Chapter 8

In Hogwarts...

Neville and the Dark Lord decided on an armistice on the subject, Harry; the Lord still commented on him and Neville just ignored him.

Draco was looking at Neville like he was planning his death because he was talking to Harry far too long for his liking, so Harry hurried over to the Slytherin table to calm his jealous boyfriend.

„I have to go Neville, but you look hot!"

/Damn the Malfoy boy has Potter wrapped around his little finger. One nasty look and boom he comes. Ehm, that wasn't meant to be suggestive./

=No, of course, it wasn't.=

Neville's grin fell from his face when he saw Blaise glaring at him and then leaving the Hall. Neville hesitated for a moment before following him.

/Don't run after him! That's so obvious./

=If I wait too long he'll be gone!=

/Where do you expect him to go? Syberia?/

Neville ignored the Lord and ran out of the hall, just to see that Blaise was already gone.

=Fuck=

/Tomorrows another day./

=The holidays begin tomorrow.=

/That's good! Then we'll have some time to think about a plan./

=One week without looking into his beautiful eyes? This week will last forever.=

/I thought the holidays are longer than just one week?/

=Yeah but Granny visits some friends in Scotland in the second week.=

Slowly Neville made his way to the common room and gasped when someone pulled him into a niche.

„What the hell has been going on with you?", said, Blaise, while studying his face.

/You know, the Dark Lord himself is in my head and tries to get us two to go out with each other./

=Can't really say that, now can I.=

„I'm waiting, Longbottom."

Blaise's face was now just inches away from his face. Suddenly Neville couldn't think clearly anymore. Blaise smell was everywhere and Neville felt like he was flowing.

/Hello? Kid? What are you thinking? This is your chance! Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!/

With the chants of Voldemort in the back of his mind, Neville kissed Blaise.

The chants suddenly stopped.

/Nevermind! Stop that! I swear to Merlin kid you better stop! Stop! This is disgusting./

Neville couldn't believe himself when he felt Blaise's arms around him- the Lord was ignored.

=Merlin I had forgotten how good he is.=

/And I actually never wanted to find out./

Abruptly Blaise shoved Neville away. „What the hell Longbottom? What the fuck were you thinking?"

Neville still confused by the sudden change of atmosphere could not think of anything to say, but thank Merlin the Lord could.

/Smile smugly and tell him and he can probably figure that out himself./, quieter the Lord said /I can't believe I'm doing this./

Neville followed the Lord instructions blindly and Blaise began to turn an unhealthy shade of red.

/And now go./

=But-=

/Go! If you don't you'll ruin the image of you being badass./

Neville slowly turned around and made his way to the common room.

„Where... where are you going?" asked Zabini confused.

„To bed. Sweet dreams Blaise.", Neville answered and disappeared into another corner.

=Do you think that was a good idea?=

/To kiss him? No, that idea was awful, I still feel like throwing up./

=I didn't mean that. The kiss was great, I meant to leave him standing there like that.=

/Of course, now he has something to think about. Besides that he kissed you back, oh and by the way I will never forgive you for that. I will have nightmares all night./

But Neville didn't hear the rest of what the Lord said because he already fell asleep with a smile on his face.

000

The next morning Neville got into the fireplace with mixed feelings.

„Peekerstrett 9"

His Granny was already waiting for him, looking eager, even though Neville did not believe that it was because of him. She sat him down at the Dinnertable and gave him a warm cup of cocoa.

„Nevi how wonderful that you are here, breakfast will be ready in a second and while we eat you can tell me about Harry's new adventures.

=It's like I knew this would happen.=

/The adventures in Potters bed will be the most interesting part about this./

=She won't ever find out about that.=

/Oh come on./

His Grandmother sat on the other side of the table staring at him.

„Sooo? Something new?"

„Nothing Granny, except I'm doing good in Potions this year.", said Neville, knowing that Augusta didn't want to hear about him.

„That's great Honey, but what about Harry?" Granny wasn't one to beat around the bush, she wanted information and she wanted it now.

Neville shrugged. He hated all of these questions in the holidays.

/A Potter-Fan I see./

=Oh shut your mouth.=

„Harrys doing good, no adventures, no danger.", said Neville and looked at the naked wall behind his Grannys head, not daring to look into her eyes, he took another sip of his cocoa.

But the questioning had only begun. „But there has to be a girlfriend right?"

A loud laugh in his head made Neville jump.

/I am dead. Come on, tell her about Potters little blonde girlfriend, I want to see her face when you do./

=She would not be able to take it.=

/She looks like she can take a whole lot./

„No girlfriend, Granny."

She seemed disappointed. „And what about Hermione? She seems nice."

„They're only friends. I don't think Harry is interested in any girls at the moment.", lied Neville with red cheeks. He could not look at his grandmother while doing so but it was better than having to tell the truth.

/You just lied to your Grandmother. Just like that. The Gryffindors aren't what they used to be./

=Do you think that makes me happy?=

„Tell me, Nevi, what happened to your hair?" She said, looking irritated at his hair, changing the topic.

„Oh yeah, ehm, you like it?", Neville asked. Ruffling his hair proudly, he smiled at Augusta.

„Well, what didn't you like about the old one?", She pursed her lips, frowning.

/Are you serious Lady? Did we see the same haircut? Because the one I saw was merlin awful!/

„I just wanted to try something else, the other one was really out of style."

/What you really wanted to say was It looked like shit./

=I can't talk to Granny like that!=

/Partypooper/

„I liked it. Your Grandfather used to wear his hair like that. But maybe you are right, it only matters that you like it. And if you'd maybe colour them black, you would look a little bit more like Harry..."

/You'll have to go through me before that happens./

=She likes him.=

/Potter here, Potter there. Is that all she talks about?/

=Basically.=

/I would rather kiss Zabini./

=I have to agree with you.=

„Oh and Nevi, I almost forgot, after dinner, my friends will come over for tea. Do you want to sit with us?", The question wasn't really a question, she knew he would say yes.

/Say no. Please say no./

„Ehm, sorry Granny but I wanted to go shopping today."

/Thanks Kid./

Augusta lifted her eyebrow. „Sho- Shopping? What do you want to shop?"

„Clothes.", Neville said calmly trying not to laugh. Granny's face said everything and she sounded like Neville had just told her that she and her friends could go deepthroat a cactus.

„Well if you must. Have fun."

/Do you really want to go shopping, or was that just an excuse?/

=I can't just run around wearing the same t-shirt. And I also gracefully avoided an afternoon with the Potter-Fan-Club.=

/Little one, you are growing on me./

„Then I will get my ass moving Granny. I will probably be gone all day."

„Sure, I won't stop you.", Granny said peeved. She was really confused as to what had happened in the last half year in school. He had never been shopping alone. He had never missed an afternoon with her friends. And why was he saying things like „Get my ass moving"?

Neville kissed his Grandmother goodbye and walked over to the fireplace.

„Diagon Alley."

And he was gone.

/What the hell do we want here?/

=We actually want to go to Muggle London.=

/You want to go into a MUGGLESHOP?/

=Do not you dare to scream in my head, as long as you are living in my head you will not scream at me. And no I don't want to go into a Muggle shop I want to go into Muggle shops.=

/Sure... Great.../

000

In the Malfoy dungeon...

... were lying hangover Deatheaters around, while Lucius was starring at the negative letter from Snape, what really did not help to lighten Lucius' mood.

„And what does Snape say?", Narcissa asked pulling on Lucius' arm. She wanted the Lord gone just as much as he wanted.

„He's not coming.", growled the man.

Bella was giggling quietly. She just had breakfast, of course on the lap of the lord, so no one dared to hurt him.

„And why not?", Narcissa said not believing her husband and Lucius gave her the Letter.

„You won't believe me so here, go on, read."

I. am. on. Vacation.

Two weeks in the wellness hotel body and soul are paid, so do not dare to contact me in those two weeks again. I don't care about anything you have to say or what kind of shit is happening in your life. Take care of it yourself or wait until I'm back.

S. Snape

„Body and soul? What the fuck. Did you tell him what it's about?"

„Of course not! What do you think would happen if someone would catch this letter? We would get a one-way ticket to Azkaban!", screamed Lucius.

„It'd be your own fault! You wanted to build a wall around him!", Bella said out of the corner.

„Shut your fucking mouth, Bella!", snapped Lucius. „Where is Wormtail?"

„Why are you asking?", asked Cissy confused. „The last time I saw him was in the Iron Maiden."

Lucius could remember darkly that he had put him in there and hurried now to the Hobby room.

„Lucius you did not answer my question.", said Narcissa, who followed after her Husband frowning.

Malfoy opened the Iron Maiden and out fell a breathless Peter.

„Ah, oxygen! Thank Merlin.", panted Peter, thankful for the fresh air filling his lungs.

„No time for small talk, rat head. We're going to make a potion.", said Lucius with a glim of madness in his eyes.

Narcissa screamed and both men jumped at the shrill sound.

„YOU WANT WHAT?"

„I want to brew the antidote, my love. If I don't the Lord will forever lye around."

„But Lucius..."

„Not now, my beautiful wife, your husband is busy."

With a crazy laugh, Lucius pulled Wormtail with him as he went upstairs.

„But you both are literally the worst potion makers to ever exist. No offence.", she said holding her head, feeling a migraine coming.

„Offence has been taken," Lucius said without turning around, disappearing upstairs.

Narcissa hurried to her sister. If these two men began to brew potions they should get themselves far away from this house. And that as fast as possible.

000

In London...

... Neville was wandering through the streets when the Lord was asking questions about everything.

/What is that?/

=A toy shop.=

/Whats a toy?/

=You don't know what a toy is? Then we'll have to go inside.=

Neville went into the shop and walked to the escalator.

=The best is if we start on the third floor, here is just the baby stuff.=

On the third floor, the lord was amazed by the big selection.

/What's that?/

=Girl toys=

/Hey, hey! Why are you walking away from it? I want to look at it!/

=You want to look at the Barbies?=

/What, is it forbidden?/

=No, but... Okay, let's take a look at the Barbies.=

Neville was shaking his head grinning about the Lord. Who would have thought the Lord would be interested in that, actually thinking about it; long legs, curves, typical Voldemort.

They looked through the entire shop for about an hour. The Lord said he would have liked to stay a little longer but accepted that they had to keep going.

Once they were standing outside again, Neville went straight to a Men clothes shop ‚For The Special Man'.

/No way kid I will not step inside there. I go shopping with you, sure why not. I help you with Blaise, unwillingly but I am helping. But I will not buy lingerie with you./

=Too late we're already inside...=


	9. Chapter 9

In an unnamed Shop of the special kind...

... Before Neville had the chance to really look around, a smiling shop assistant made her way towards him.

„How can I help you, young man?", she asked kindly. Her professional looking face was framed by dark curls and she was wearing thick black glasses on her button nose, which made her eyes look enormous. 

„Ehm, well I-", studded Neville, but the Lady seemed to already be familiar with that kind of behaviour from the customers.

„You are surely searching for a surprise for your girlfriend.", she said skilled with one inspecting look.

/Yeah right. I wish, but no, we're searching things for his, hopefully, future boyfriend./

„Well kinda... yes.", Neville answered weakly and the woman pulled him towards a fancy looking chair.

„Sit down, sit down. What do you think of this beautiful piece?"

/That's... that's.../

She was holding a black pair of panties, which was missing some parts of the material. Well, let's just say there was a useful opening in the front and in the back.

„Ehm well..."

„I get it, a bit too much for the first pair of underwear, right? Maybe something like this?"

A short leather underpants with rivets came into the light.

=Would you like that?=

/On you?? Are you fucking with me?/

„Also not the right one, well maybe this one?"

/Is that lace?/

„Do you not have something, maybe a little-"

„Ah! Now I have it!"

Proudly she was holding a red thong with a fluffy pom-pom, into Neville's face.

/I swear if you buy that.../

Neville could only imagine the rest of the sentence. Hastily he shook his head but didn't get the chance to say something as the woman was currently bombarding him with panties of every kind, lacquer, leather, latex and something that looked a lot like a knotted Barbed Wire.

The Lord was everything but happy.

/I once was a dreaded dark wizard. And now? Humiliated... done... My Reputation... gone. I will not be able to look at anyone ever again without being laughed at./

=Stop whining. I don't like it either.=

/Good that no one sees us. From the king of the world to a joke./

„Do you not have something, I don't know, normal?", Neville asked and the Lady looked more than offended.

„We only have exclusive underwear, young man! If you want something normal you should have gone into a shopping centre."

She pushed her glasses up her nose and turned around to walk behind the register and look at Neville with a grim look on her face.

Neville got out of there as fast as he could.

=Puh that was close. She got really mad at the end didn't she?=

/And so am I. I want to go into the toy store!/

=Why are you so excited about the toys?=

/I... I never had toys./

=You are the darkest wizard in history.=

/So? I once was a boy too! An orphan boy./

=So? You could buy yourself all of these things now.=

/What do you think will the people say when I buy toys? How would that look like?/

=Funny?=

/Like you in a red thong?/

000

In the dungeons...

...Narcissa pulled her sister of the dark Lords lap. Without reacting to the protest and screams of Bellatrix she shoved her upstairs.

„Hey! Cissy! What do you think you are doing? Let go of me!"

„No time for explanations, Bella. We have to move!"

With crazed eyes, Lucius ran past them with a boiler in his arms. Leaving the sister looking after him, Narcissa with a panicked look and Bella with a confused one.

„Cissy what are they planning?", Bella asked while looking over her shoulder back to the men, while her sister was pushing her towards the door.

„They are brewing an antidote.", Narcissa panted and Bella screamed.

„WHAT? Then I have to go back! I can't leave the Lord with these crazy men! Who knows what they'll do to him!"

„You can't help him, we have to leave him behind. You have to help me move all the furniture into the guest house."

One last look (Lucius was currently rolling up his sleeves with a dramatic gesture), was enough for Bella to know that if they wouldn't be fast enough that this would be the death of them all.

„Yeah okay, what do you want me to get?"

„Go get my Jewerelly, I'll get the Family portraits in the meantime.", Cissy said and Bella hurried up the stairs.

Narcissa tamed her hair and pulled out her wand. „Accio Portraits.", she said trying to concentrate and with another swerve she sends them out into the guest house.

The Deatheaters ran up the stairs. Every single one of them wanted to get away as fast as possible from the danger of Lucius Malfoy brewing a potion. Dolohov didn't waste any time and disapparated right on the hall.

„Everyone for themselves!", Nott yelled and disapparated too.

„Oh yeah sure, alright! So you're not going to help me?", Narcissa growled and was just able to catch McNair before he would disappear too.

„You have to help me move the furniture!"

„No way, Narcissa! Forget the furniture! Lucius-"

KAWUMMM

The House trembled, plaster recited from the walls and ceiling. McNair and Narcissa were broken apart and in the next moment, McNair was gone just like the rest.

„Cissy, are you okay?", shouted Bella from upstairs.

„Yes Bella, come down here. I don't think there's anything we can do.", resigned she turned around and almost had a heart attack when she saw Draco standing behind her.

„Mother, what is going on?"

000

In London...

... Neville and the Lord had finished their mission.

/Do we have everything?/

=I think so, pants, shirts, pullovers and shoes. I think that's all.=

/Oh but you can't forget, the underwear for the normal man./

=I think we can go home then.=

/Already? But I've never been to Muggle London! Well, business, of course, but you never get to see the sightseeings!/

=What do you wanna see?=

/Everything!/

=You are a funny little bean. I'm not legally allowed to apparate.=

/Well not everything then, but the most important things!/

Neville decided that they would just drive around for a while with a bus. They saw the Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Westminster Abbey and many more.

And what did the Lord like the best? The bus.

000

In the evening they arrived at the leaky cauldron and Neville was done.

=Can I go home now?=

/Don't be mean like that! I don't get to go on vacation, ever./

=Just because you're on „vacation" I have to run around the city?=

/Yes. Who knows when I'll get another chance to do this? I've got a busy life going on, being, you know, the dark lord./

They travelled back to Nevilles Granny and Neville had never been happier when he realised that the Harry Fanclub had already left.

„You've been gone for quite a while Nevi.", she said with a shrill voice, while she looked at the clock over the fridge.

„Yeah, I just wandered around London a bit afterwards."

„Why?"

„Just for fun." Neville shrugged and sat down at the laid dinner table. He was hungry.

/And we wanted to avoid the Fanclub./

=Thats why shes mad.=

„Well, I just wanted to tell you that we'll be visiting your parents tomorrow.", Granny said with one raised eyebrow, she really did seem insulted.

Neville swallowed and pushed his plate away; suddenly his appetite was gone.

„Okay, excuse me. I'll be up in my room. I'm tired.", he mumbled and left the kitchen and closed the door after he arrived in his room.

/Is everything alright?/

=I don't want to go to my parents with you in my head!=

/I'll be quiet!

=Thats not what I meant. It's your fault that they're... that they are how they are.=

/It wasn't my fault. Bellatrix did that./

=Same thing.=

/Not really kid. I did not say anything about your parents. I was half dead by then. I did not give anyone any instructions to do what they did./

=I don't fucking care. I don't want to hear anything from you tomorrow, understood? No dumb comment. Nothing.=

/Calm down. I won't say anything. Merlin, when I said you gotta defend yourself and kick some ass, I didn't mean me!/

=You did that to yourself.=

/Salazar what did I do? I created a monster!/

000

In the halls of Malfoy Manor...

... Narcissa grasped her chest dramatically and gasped.

„What are you doing here Draco? It doesn't matter! You have to go back to school- now!"

Determined Narcissa shoved her son back into the living room.

„But Mother, I have to talk t you and father!", Draco protested.

„You can do that in the Summer holidays or write us a letter.", Narcissa said still pushing Draco.

Draco was finally able to free himself from her grip.

„No, I will talk to you, right now!"

Another explosion rang through the manor and Narcissa had o hold onto her son so she wouldn't lose her balance.

„What the hell was that?", Draco yelled still holding onto his mother and Cissy decided that it didn't make any sense to still try to keep it a secret.

„That was your father... he's trying to make a potion."

Draco was suddenly really pale.

„He... He's what now?"

Lucius' son knew what would happen if his father would get to close to a kettle- a new house.

„That's why you have to go, right now."

„But I really have to tell you something important.", Draco said energetically.

„Well tell me because I'm not going to your father to get him.", his mother said and Draco felt too, no need to go anywhere near his father.

„Well, what do you need to talk about?", Cissy sighed.

Draco took one deep breath and now couldn't remember the words he had repeated on his way here. It seemed so hard to tell his mother this little thing about his personality that she hadn't realised.

„Mother, I am Gay... And I've also been dating Harry Potter for the last year.", Draco could feel an entire mountain fall from his chest.

His mother took the whiskey bottle from the mini bar beside her and without breaking eye contact and when the bottle was about half empty she set it back down.

„Say that again.", Narcissa whispered.

Draco repeated and Narcissa emptied the bottle.

„This is really not my week.", she gasped. „You can't tell your father, especially now. And definitely, don't say anything about Potter."

„Potter? What about him?", Bella asked who had now appeared at the end of the staircase and was now standing in front of mother and son.

„Apparently, he is my new son in law.", Narcissy spat while searching the mini bar for something else.

„But you don't even have a daughter.", Bella said confused.

Draco rolled his eyes and said: „Harry is my boyfriend."

„What?!", Bella screamed and held on onto a table standing next to her. „But what about your Deatheater carrier?"

„I guess I won't be able to do that then, Aunt B."

Narcissa thought that it didn't matter anyway since the dark lord was lying unconscious in their dungeon and only Merlin knew what would be left of him after Lucius was done the experimenting.

Draco decided that it was time to return to Hogwarts when black smoke started to cloud the hall.

„Ehm I think its time for me to go. You can tell father."

And before Narcissa could react he was gone.

„You want me to- You come back here you- ungrateful little-"

She wasn't able to end her sentence because the next explosion rumbled through the manor.

000

The next morning at Grannys house...

... Neville wanted to try to put off the visit for as long as possible. But Augusta was already shouting for him to hurry up.

„Are you ready, Nevi?"

„Yes Granny, I'm coming."

Neville slowly stepped outside of his room just to be met by his grandma's disapproving look but she also seemed almost remorseful (if Granny even knew what that meant).

„Nevi I'm sorry but my friend from Scotland got sick and send me an owl this morning and I want to help her so I'll be travelling there tomorrow. I hope you're not disappointed."

=Blaise here I come.=

/Oh so you do know how to be happy./

„No Grany, It's alright."

„Good, she should go now. I invited my friends again today because you couldn't be here with us yesterday."

=This cannot be happening.=

/Just fucking amazing./

=This time we don't have an excuse.=

000

Inside of St. Mungos...

... Neville followed his Grandmother into the room of his parents. On one side he was excited to see them but at the same time, he couldn't even look at them because it made him so sad.

„Hello, Alice, love. Hello Frank, darling. Look who I brought."

Neville hugged his parents who looked at him with empty eyes.

„Hi mum, his dad.", he whispered.

„I'll go get a vase for the flower.", Augusta said happily and left the room. Nevill knew that his Granny would now go talk to the Healer and that he had time alone with his parents.

„Mum, Dad I have a problem."

And so he told them everything, beginning with the Lord and ending with Blaise. He always did that. He felt like Augusta didn't really care about his life at Hogwarts so he told his parents everything and nothing. Of course, they would never react but that didn't matter to him. At least he could talk.

/Ehm, kid-/

=I said you can not talk.=

/Okay.../

The visit was, like always, really short and Neville always felt down afterwards, because he wasn't able to help his parents.

/Can I say something now?/

=Not about that.=

/Good I won't talk about THAT./

=So what you want to talk about?=

/About THAT, but I'm not allowed to so I just won't talk./

=You just don't get it.=

/No little one, you don't get it. But I just won't say anything no one will say anything everyone will be happy./

=Weirdo.=

000

The hardest thing about this day arrived in the afternoon; tea with the fan club.

Even if it had been a hard day for him he was still holding up.

He took all the things they wanted him to give to Harry, told them about fifty times about Harrys last Quidditch match and protested that Harry really did not live through any adventures this past year.

But after the hundredth time hearing: „But you will tell us when Harry gets a girlfriend, right?" He broke.

With a kind smile, he put down his cup of tea and said: „I don't think Harry will get a girlfriend anytime soon since he's gay and is currently dating Draco Malfoy."

/I'm happy I can be part of this moment in your life./

It was silent. They all looked at him completely speechless. Only gasping for air and Augusta's hand was pointed at the door and her cold voice cut through the silence like a sharp knife.

„Neville go to your room."

000

Neville let himself fall down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He only now realise what he had done.

=Merlin what was I thinking.=

/You really did ruin their day. I'm so proud of you./

=I can't believe it. I really did that.=

/Hey, they deserved a little shock. Especially your Granny. All this talk about Potter, no one deserves that./

=She will lynch me. I'm a dead man.=

/I could have sworn I heard the ping when the fuse blown./

=She will throw me out. Where am I supposed to live?=

/Bullshit, the bitch 'll get over it./

=Don't- Don't call her that!... Maybe I should join you.=

/YOU? No kid that's no business for you./

=How do you wanna know that?=

/I'm inside of you, remember? You are neither gruesome or evil nor would you be able to commit a murder or torture someone. You get scared from your own shadow, honey. You are literally the last person I would consider./

=I could change! I could be evil!=

/Right. And tomorrow the Potter will jump out of a window just because I've asked him nicely. You are rejected./

=But-

/Nope, no but. And besides that, I'm thinking about to retire./

=WHAT? YOU?=

/Yes, all this war and the prophecy. All of that is just so pointless... great now I'm sad./

Restless Neville got off his bed and stood by the window, staring outside into the dark night sky.

/Why do you want to be a Deatheater?/

=Because... because you are my only friend.=

/Oh come on, little one, not that it's not flattering, it really is, but I'm really not that nice./

=You are nice to me.=

/Well, ehm, to throw death threats at you really wouldn't help this situation, it would also be boring. But you know as the dark lord I have to show strength and be this dark, evil master. You know this authority thing-/

The door opened and Augusta trudged inside like an angel of revenge.

„Neville Frank Longbottom, I want an explanation, right now!"

„It just got too much."

„And is that a reason to make up a lie of that size?", she yelled so loud that Neville flinched.

„That wasn't a Lie!"

Auguste saw red. „Of course that was a lie! You are just jealous of Harry and that is just sad pitiful."

Neville was furious and he clenched his hands.

/Oh was that another fuse...?/

„I am not a Liar nor am I jealous, but slowly and surely I'm getting angry. It's every time the same, Harry here, Harry there! I like him too, Granny, but I can't hear it anymore! I could throw up every time I hear it. Oh and also; SO sorry to tell you but I am your grandchild! Neville, the dumb idiot. Not Harry, the chosen one. I know that I am not special and not as talented as my dad, trust me I know, you always tell me. I am a dumb nobody but I'm me and you have to accept that."

Neville hadn't raised his voice the entire time he talked but Augusta still looked like he had hit her.

„I know that you are my Grandson."

„Really? And why can I never feel that?", Neville asked and rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling tired.

His grandmother looked away.

„You are talking nonsense, Neville, I don't think I want to see you tomorrow before you travel back to Hogwarts. You can write me an apology letter."

The door closed behind her silently.

=I don't think you'll get a letter, Granny.=

/Kid, you are killing me. Oh, what is that? Is that a new backbone tickling me?/


	10. Chapter 10

In Grannys kitchen...

... Neville was getting ready for his departure. He wanted to be one of those people that didn't care about things that could hurt them and he tried to be one of those people but he couldn't. Of course, it hurt that his Granny held what she had threatened with and did not come out of her room to see Neville one last time before he had to leave.

/Wonderful Grandma you got there./

=You can't choose your family. You gotta live with what's given to you.=

/Yeah, not exactly but I know that feeling. The last time I saw someone of my family it didn't go as planned and I had to kill them so trust me, kid, at least she's still alive./

Neville decided not to say anything about that and got into the fireplace without saying goodbye ad arrived in Hogwarts. His mood reached zero when a boy from Slytherin pushed him.

„Hey, Longbottom, you smell."

„Oh, that was so funny I forgot to laugh. Hey, remember to remind me that the next time we see each other, I should laugh since right now I'm really busy so I'll do it next time, okay? Cool.", growledNeville and turned around, about to make his way to the Gryffindor common room, when the boy pulled him back and pressed him against the wall.

„Say that again, you goblin."

Voldemort began to chant loudly. /Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! And afterwards, we could torture him./ He seemed to be in one of his blood-lusting moods. Of course, he was. He hadn't killed anyone in so long. It was like being in a withdrawal clinic, just a lot gayer.

„Is there a problem?", asked a quiet voice next to them. Neville closed his eye in disbelieve and wondered if this day could get any worse.

=God fucking dammit,=

/What do you mean 'god fucking dammit' be happy that's our hero./

„No Problem Zabini, just a little insect asking to be stepped on.", laughed the Slytherin, that was pressing against Neville in a way that made him and the Lord wonder if there was something the boy wanted that wasn't family-friendly.

„Let him go.", said Blaise calmly and the grin on the boys face disappeared.

„What did you say?"

„I would write it down for you, Parker, but I'm not sure if you can read."

Seemingly bored Zabini leaned against the wall crossing his arms, making the veins and muscles in his arms pop, and looking challenging at Parker. He let go of Neville and made his way over to Blaise.

„Are you insulting me?"

„Are you sure you want to do this?", Blaise smiled at him and pulled out his wand.

Parker paled and lifted his hands in the air. „I don't want to fight with you, Zabini. I don't know what you want from Longbottom but he's yours." And with that, he turned around and left.

Neville looked down and began to chew on his bottom lip. Blaise' presence made him nervous and his unexpected help made him even more insecure.

„Why did you do that, Blaise?"

Blaise lifted one eyebrow, stepped closer to Neville and leaned forwards. His breath brushed over Neville's ear and Neville's heart began to beat so fast and loudly he was certain that Blaise could hear it too.

„Because I didn't want to have to visit you in the hospital wing."

„As if you would visit me."

The Dark Lord would have rolled his eyes if he had the body to do so.

/What are you doing? Kiss him you fool!/

Blaise quiet laugh gave Neville goosebumps.

„You are right I wouldn't.", whispered Blaise while bumping his nos carefully against Neville's cheek.

„What do you want, Blaise?"

„You can probably figure that out yourself, right hun?"

The Lord was outraged.

/Excuse you! That is my line! You can't just go around stealing other peoples lines! Just because you are too dumb to think about yourself!/

=I think my pants are going to explode.=

/Don't you fucking dare./

Blaise placed his hand on both sides of Neville's head and pressed him against the cold stone wall with his own body.

/It seems like you aren't the only one whose pants are about to explode./

Neville closed his eyes the moment Blaise's soft lips touched his own. Without thinking Neville opened his mouth and threw his arms around him. At first, they were carefully poking each others tongue but as they got used to it Blaise's hands began to be more demanding and Neville had never felt better.

Meanwhile, Voldemort was trying to not like it and think of something else.

/Big Boobs, small boobs... That's a girl we're kissing and this bulge that's pressing against our leg, that's just a flashlight./

=Can you not? I'm trying to concentrate.=

/Why concentrate? Do you wanna solve a math problem? If you want that, I have one right nooooo- woha. Is that that a hand on my- I mean your butt?/

Just as Neville had decided that he would just blend the Lord out, an amused cough brought him back into reality.

„Zabini and Longbottom, who would have guessed that."

Still breathing heavy, Blaise turned around and looked into the face of Draco Malfoy, who was looking at them with the biggest grin on his face.

„You are my friend Draco, but Merlin, why would it matter to you what I'm doing with anyone?"

„Yeah, yeah, but really? Longbottom?"

„At least I'm not fucking the dark Lords enemy."

Draco shrugged. „What the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve over."

/But my eyes did see! Little one, could you just break his nose for me?/

Neville bit down on his lip trying not to laugh. If Draco knew how close the dark lord was right now, he was sure, that smirk would fall from his face.

000

In the Dungeons... (Or that was was still standing)

... looked Peter tiredly at the Dark Lord and then at Lucius.

„I don't want to be that person, but before we began, he didn't have any tentacles."

„I'm still practising, okay? And besides that, you aren't being the best helper.", spat Lucius and carried on stirring the green substance in the kettle, that was boiling threatening.

The dungeon looked like Buckbeak and his friends had run through it. The walls were covered in parts of potions and burned. The desk and the chairs were, now, non-existent, all that was left from them was a pile of ashes.

Wormtail was tired. They had worked through the entire night and had still not been able to make any progress and the proof of that was the plants that were growing out of the body of their lord.

„I think I've got it now."

'That's what Lucius had been saying the last seventy-four times.', thought Peter to himself rolling his eyes.

With a victorious grin, Lucius poured the liquid over the disfigured body of Voldemort.

„Son of a motherless, no nipple having, bastard, whore goat.", Lucius cursed, while slamming his forehead against the wall just to move it back directly afterwards, realising that now all of the ashes and potions were on his forehead, but he decided that he had been through worse this week so that it really wasn't important how he looked right now, since it did not change anything about his appearance.

The Lord had now a bright yellow skin, which made him look quite sunny. Lucius began to pull on his hair, ignoring the stunned Peter.

„This is all Snape's fault! He and his motherfrickel defreacking vacation. He's gonna get it when the Lod wakes up. I'm gonna tell him how Snape did not help us one bit!"

Wormtail was too afraid to say, that he probably wouldn't be able to tell on anyone after the Lord would look in a mirror.

The blond death eater had calmed down and was now pulling out a new kettle willing to try it again and forcing himself to smile.

„Oki Doki, we're gonna try this again, I mean something had to work."

The door opened and Narciss came into the room, just to lean back against the doorframe when she saw the mess. She began to scream. Lucius who had not expected anyone to scream anytime soon, but himself accidentally dropped the entire glass of Fisheyes into the kettle. A loud bang sounded through the house.

Once the smoke had disappeared he looked like a chimney sweeper, the blouse that had been snow-white before was now in burned pieces hanging down on his body.

„Cissy, what in the merlin burning fucking hell are you doing?"

„What have you done to the Lord?"

Lucius was offended. At least he as trying to wake his master up, while everyone was running from the problem.

„Don't worry honey. Once the Master wakes up again he will reward me for my effort."

„Oh really? For what? That hee glows in the dark now? Oh yeah, I'm sure he will love that."

„No, because I'm his loyal servant and did not stop trying to bring him back.", he screamed while he made his way upstairs to get new ingredients.

Narcissa looked down at the Lord one last time and took a deep breath before she followed Lucius upstairs, screaming behind him.

„If he sees what he looks like, you'll no longer be a servant, Lucius!"

Wormtail silently agreed.

000

In Hogwarts...

... gave Draco Neville and Blaise one last knowing look before he disappeared.

„Shit.", cursed Blaise quietly and Neville stroked calmly his arm to calm him down.

Immediately stiffened the Slytherin. His face seemed cold and repellent. „Let me go, Longbottom.", he hissed at the confused Neville.

Suddenly it got all too much for Neville. The fight with Granny and then some Slytherin with coming out problems attacked him and then Blaise pounced on him.

„Are you being serious right now? Can you tell me what you want from me? That would be great!"

„If I only knew.", said Blaise and left Neville behind him.

/What's up with him? Is he on his period or something? Did you see that? He just left us here./

Neville slid down on the wall to the floor and sat there with his head in his hands.

=He is killing me.=

000

Blaise ran down the staircase to the Slytherin common room and yelled the password at the stonewall. He didn't understand himself anymore. On one side he wanted to go back there and pull Neville into the next broom chamber. On the other side, his dignity was holding him back to get into a relationship with Longbottom.

He dropped down onto one of the chairs that stood in front of the fire.

„Oh did I ruin the mood?", asked Draco while wiggling his eyebrows at his friend and Blaise rolled his eyes.

„Piss of, Draco."

Draco began laughing and punched Blaise' shoulder.

„Come one, don't be mad. I'm just fucking with you. I know that you have a crush on Schlongbottom."

„I do not have a crush on Longbottom!"

„Oh really? Then its probably a coincidence that you always watch him jog every Monday morning."

„I like being outside mornings.", explained Zabini and crossed his arms pouting.

Draco had hit the spot and they both knew it so he happily began to dig deeper.

„ So it's not about Longbottom running around barely clothed?"

„Of course it's not!", mumbled Blaise but couldn't stop his cheeks from becoming a beautiful colour of red.

Draco began to laugh so loudly that a first-year, who had been reading, dropped the book startled at the loud sound that echoed through the room.

„You're such a bad liar! Don't you be like that! I know you too good to fall for this."

„Don't you have a date with your lover?", Blaise was silently praying that Draco would leave.

„I do, but not until after Dinner. So I still have enough time left to annoy you. Now tell me, is he a good kisser?"

Alone thinking about it Blaise got goosebumps. Draco looked down onto his arms and nodded understanding.

„Ah, I see.", giggled Draco. „And what was that last year at the Christmas feast? I lost you in both in the crowd and didn't see you for the rest of the night."

„Goddamnit Draco! Fuck of! Leave me alone!"

000

Neville sighed and made his way back to the common room.

=You liked it.=

/WHAT? Why would you think that? What makes you think that?/

=I'm pretty sure that I heard you saying 'Damn that's a good kiss.=

/You would not have heard a bomb exploding next to you!/

=No, I'm pretty damn sure I heard that.=

/That's just because it has been far too long since I've last kissed a person. Yep, that's why!/

Neville grinned when he heard the Lord trying to desperately justify his feelings.

=I think I'm gonna go for a run, I have to distract myself.=

/That's a good idea, the best that I've heard so far today./

Voldemort seemed thankful that they had changed topics.

One hour later Neville was in the shower washing away the sweat on his body and trying to get warm again from the weather outside. Even though he was a wizard and could have charmed a spell to keep him warm, which Voldemort told him through the entire run, since the Lord easily got cold, Neville liked the cold that was sharp in his nose while he was jogging.

While Neville was washing his body, Voldemort had still not been able to let go of the kiss and if he liked or not.

/We are going to get a 'Wonderful Witches' magazine and then I will prove to you that I like women./

=Of course we will.=

/Yes we will! Just you wait, kid./

Neville laughed and put on jeans and a white shirt. He looked in the mirror. He looked good and felt confident in his new clothes.

Suddenly everything began to spin and he fell to the floor.

He shook his head to get rid of the feeling... well, he tried to.

/Oh my Gosh I can't believe that worked!/

=What- what happened? I feel weird.=

/Well Little one, I just took over your body./

=Excuse me?=

000

In the Malfoy Manor...

...Narcissa was frantically trying to stop her husband from ruining her house.

„Lucius Malfoy, you will listen to me! Stop his madness And wait until snap arrives!"

„Hell no! I think I got it this time!"

A loud BA BAM echoed through the house and Wormtail held his head wh he saw what the lord look like now.

Pink begonias were now growing out of every opening of the Lord's body.

„Oh well, it wasn't the right one."

„If you don't stop this right now it's over! We will get a divorce!"

Lucius mentally kissed his fortune goodbye and went back to his kettle.

„There are things in life a man just has to do Cissy. And there are moments in life when you have to make decisions. A marriage or a Master?"

Narcissa huffed and conjured a rolling pin and knocked him out. Lucius fell to the ground not moving.

000

In Hogwarts...

... the lord was looking into the mirror filled with pride and smile innocently.

/I took over your body. I've been working on this for the entire time. Wasnt easy to hide that from you./

=You can't do that!=

/Don't worry, you'll get it back! But first I will show you that I do not have any feelings for men!/

=I believe you okay? I do! Just give me back my body! It belongs to me.=

ignoring Neville the dark lord made his way down the stairs into the common room.

=Are you looking for something in particular?=

/Yep, Hermione./

=Dont you dare, don't you fucking dare to do this. What do you think Blaise will think? What do you think everyone else will think?=

/I have already decided to stop myself from killing people just to make sure that people won't talk too much about you./

=You are being too kind to me.=

/I know, but that's just how I am./

„Hey you,", said the Lord a third year. „Do you know where Hermione is?"

„I don't know her."

„Brown hair, curly, good body, talks a lot.", he described while forming Hermione's body with his hands to make sure that the boy knew who he was talking about.

The boy began to smile and wiggled his eyebrows.

„Oh yeah, she's in the Libary."

„Thanks, son."

Voldemort made his way to the library, whistling.


	11. Chapter 11

In the dungeon...

... Lucius woke up. He felt like a dragon had dropped out of the air, onto a building.

„What-what happened?", croaked he and slowly opened his eyes just to look into the shining eyes of his wife.

„Oh, you are finally awake, darling. Do you remember what happened?"

Slowly he shook his head- he really couldn't remember but he slowly began to wonder where this pain came from.

„Did the kettle explode again?"

Cissy's smile dropped. „No, that what exploded was me. It seems like I lost control over my body."

Memories rose in his head, of the last moments before he lost consciousness- suddenly feeling very angry he tried to get up, but couldn't move.

„Cissy?"

„Yes, my love?"

„Why am I bound to the chair?"

Narcissa kissed him on the cheek. „Let's be honest, love, it is for the best. I'm only looking out for you. I can't let you mutilate the ord any further."

„YOU TIED ME TO THE CHAIR?", screamed Lucius while wiggling, trying to get out and his wife took a step back.

„Yes but that's only for now until Snape arrives here."

„You can't fucking do that! I'm your husband! I'm your partner! You can't do that!"

Narcissa crossed her arms and glared at him.

„Really? I didn't feel any of that for the last year."

Every age Lucius had felt, fell with this statement and he looked at his wife stunned. Why Merlin? Why does she want to talk about this right now?

„This is not the time, Narcissa! We can talk about our marriage another time, I promise, get me out of here and I'll cure the Lord and then we'll talk, okay? Please get me out of here."

With a swish of her wand, a chair appeared in front of Lucius and she sat down and looked him stubborn in his eyes.

„Oh, but Lucius this seems to be a perfect time because you have finally time for me."

000

In Hogwarts...

... Neville tried to stop the Lord. Sadly it wasn't working.

=You don't want to do this, do you?=

/Of course I do. You had your fun and now it's my turn./

=Hermione won't be too happy about this.=

/Oh please, do you even know me? I was a heartbreaker when I was in school. Trust me she'll be totally into it./

He almost ran into Hermione who was leaving the library right at that moment.

„Oh Neville, you're already back?", she smiled at him not knowing what was about to happen.

/Let the games begin!/

=Oh my gosh, I hate you.=

„Good to see you, I was looking for you."

„What is it, Neville? Do you need help with the homework?"

Neville's eyes began to weirdly shine at her. „No, it's not that. But maybe I could help you with a little something."

Hermione took a step back, looking unsettled. „Neville, are you not feeling alright, or something?"

„Why would you think that?", he asked and took another step towards her, this time much closer.

„Why are you looking at me like that?"

Hermione tried to take another step away from him but crashed into the wall instead.

/Got you./

=Does this have to happen? Like I don't think you should do this.=

/Be quiet and learn./

One last step forward and Voldemort stood in front of Hermione who was feeling very uneasy.

„Neville Longbottom! I swear to God don't you make jokes like this!", she hissed and raised threateningly her hand.

=My poor nose...=

„Oh, but I'm not joking honey.", he whispered and leaned forward; he did not see the fist coming.

And with an ugly crunching sound, the nasal bone broke and the lord fell to the ground.

=Look what you did you, idiot! If you would have listened to me; but no! I'm Lord Voldemort and I can do everything.=

Hermione glared down at him.

„I warned you, Neville!", she screamed and then turned around and stomped away.

„Goddamnit! This bitch broke my nose! Merlin, she was fast!"

With a little sweep of the wand, his nose was intact.

=So? Are you done? Can I have my body back now?=

/Done? Me? Never! I like her this little kitty. Don't you worry I will get her./

=Cant you wait for that until you're back in your body?=

/Nope. I'm old and maybe she won't like that./

=Oh and she will totally be fine with you being the dark lord.=

/Well we can work with me being a dark lord, girls like the power that comes with it. But my body is not the same as it was when I was younger, kid./

=I'm sure that will not be a problem for you.=

Voldemort mad hi ay back to the common room. At this exact moment, Harry and Draco came around the corner holding hands and chatting.

=Dont you dare! Harry is my friend and he will not be killed.=

/Who do you think I am little one?/

Harry's eyes lit up when he saw Neville walking towards him and he gave him a friendly nudge and smiled brightly at him. „Now you will never guess what I just heard, Neville. You and Zabini? I would have never guessed!"

„Oh, so your blond little bitch ran directly to you, Potter!"

Harry's smile fell from his face. „I'm sorry what?"

„Are you deaf? And now go fuck your little blond Malfoy bitch or something. I have things to do."

=Are you insane? You cant talk to Harry like that!=

/I won't kill him, but I will not be nice!/

The lord was about to walk by them when Draco's hand held him back. „What did you just call me, Longbottom?"

=You know how to make enemies don't you?=

/Blondie over there is just a joke./

„Oh, so you're both deaf. I called you Potters little bitch, Malfoy. Oh, and by the way, the Lord knows about your little affair."

Neville clasped both of his hand in front of his mouth in his head and screamed.

/I'm sorry, I just couldn't hold it in any longer./

Draco let go of Neville's arm in complete shock and looked at him with wide eyes.

„What... how... I... I don't..."

„Let's just say I'm really close to the dark lord."

/Well it's not a lie./

=I will move to Australien or Canada. I can't look at anyone ever again. No one will ever trust me again.=

„Neville what are you talking about?", Harry asked just as shocked as his boyfriend. „Maybe we should bring him to the hospital wing."

„Oh yeah, he will need to go to the hospital wing after I'm done with him!", spat Draco that seemed to finally be over the first shock and was now just feeling burning rage.

„Draco, don't.", Harry laid a hand on Draco's arm.

„What little Malfoy, do you not believe me? Well, you should. Oh, and before I forget; You will not get to be a death eater, we don't want little blond bitches in our group."

Draco gasped and wanted to throw himself at Neville but Harry was still holding him back.

Suddenly the portrait opened and Hermione stepped to the group.

„What is happening?"

=This is just one big nightmare, I will wake up and everything will be over. The only thing that's missing is...=

/Blaise? Yeah, he's just walking around the corner towards us. Don't worry kid, I have it under control./

=Yeah? Maybe you don't realise it but this is more trouble than I have ever been in before, in my entire life.=

„Neville is being weird and Draco is little angry.", explained harry who was struggling to keep Draco away from Neville.

The Lord smiled at Draco with an innocent look in his eyes which only made things worse.

„Funny that you say weird, he tried to kiss me.", said Hermione throwing the lord a glare to which he winked at her and Blaise paled.

Neville once again screamed.

„He tried what?", shouted Harry, Draco and Blaise at the same time.

=Great. I have to say I'm happy to watch you ruin my life within 30 minutes.=

/Now, don't panic I have it under control./

No one could have said when Professor McGonagall had arrived but everyone jumped when they heard her voice.

„What is the meaning of this?"

„Everything is fine, Professor.", said Harry who was holding Dracos mouth shut to stop him from screaming at Neville.

The professor looked at each one of them until her eyes met Neville.

„Mister Longbottom, you are wanted in the headmaster's offices. If you could follow me."

Neville didn't even want to think about what could happen with the dark lord having the power over his body and having to be in the same room as Dumbledore.

000

In the dungeon...

... Narcissa was ready to save her marriage, no matter what she'd have to give.

For hours now he had already sat in the dungeon, with Narcissa in front of him telling him what she wanted to change and what the problems were. Normally he would just flee or fake a heart attack to dodge these talks with his wife. Once he had „accidentally" fallen down the stairs, to not talk about their marriage, but anything like that wasn't possible right now.

Meanwhile, she had come to the: You don't love me anymore and I realised it because...

„You never even look at me. I never have your attention anymore. I could change my hairstyle, you don't realise. I buy a new dress, you don't care."

„You are buying new dresses every day Cissy. How am I supposed to tell the differences between new and old?"

„Oh really? And what was that two years ago, when you left me hanging on our wedding day?"

„But the Lord came back from the dead on that day!"

„All I hear is „Lord this" and „Lord that". Are you married to him or me? And you grow flowers out of his body, but when was the last time you brought me flowers?"

Lucius had enough he gave up. He just couldn't keep up with his wife.

Wormtail cam into the room with a watering can and began to water the flowers growing out of the Lord body.

Narcissa glared at the little man and then looked back at Lucius.

„And I also think that you're cheating on me!"

Lucius sighed. „Cissy, darling, my love, I don't even have time for an affair."

„You have not touched me for weeks. And what was that with Wormtail on the rack?"

Peter let go of the watering can and it fell onto the ground with a loud clang and Lucius gasped.

„You think I would start an affair with a man? And not only that but also with him?"

Narcissa raised her eyebrow. „Yes, that's exactly what I think. I mean Draco has to get this behaviour from somewhere! Which makes me think you have possibly been cheating on me for even longer ad Draco saw you both! So now he thinks that this is the only way a man could have sex! I told you, you should have the sex talk with him, I bet you didn't even do it!"

Lucius looked bewildered at his wife and then at Wormtail who was still starring a Narcissa as if she had lost her mind and then back to his wife. „What are you on about?"

„Your son has been in a romantic relationship, with Harry Potter, for who knows how long! What do you think your beloved lord will say to that? Oh, and he also does not want to be death eater anymore."

Malfoys mouth opened but no word came out. Peter poured the rest of the water over the lord and then disappeared out of the dungeon as fast as he could.

„Well can't think of anything to say about that, now can you.", Narcissa said with a satisfied smile on her lips and leaned back in her chair. Lucius suddenly paled and Narcissa almost feared that he was having another heart attack.

„Draco... has... Potter...", he shuddered and looked then perplexed up at his wife, while Cissy was grinning at him.

„Yes, that's how I reacted too."

Out of nowhere, the older Malfoy began to wiggle as hard as he could to get the ropes off of him. „When I see that boy I will rip out his guts."

Narcissa began to glare at him and kicked him against his shin. „Don't you blame my child! If you would have tried to spend more time with him, this would have never happened!"

Lucius groaned.

000

In Hogwarts...

... stood Voldemort in front of the office of the headmaster and was trying to calm Neville down.

=Dont you say anything that I wouldn't say and don't say anything that I would do. There is this middle field in which you can move, or maybe you just don't speak at all.=

/Dumbledore is cray-cray, little one. He will not suspect a thing. Don't worry I got this./

=Oh you mean like just now, how you had everything under control? Well, I will go pack my things then.=

The Lord knocked on the door and waited for someone to call him in.

Once he heard Dumbledores voice he stepped inside and closed the door behind him and then looked up.

/Holy fuck, what is she doing here?/

=Can someone please kill me already?=

/Oh this is going to be fun./

Augusta Longbottom sat with a stubborn look on her face in front of the desk of Dumbeldor who sat behind the desk and smile kindly at Neville and Voldemort. She looked disapproving at Neville once he- well the dark lord- stepped inside the office.

„Take a seat Mister Longbottom, there is no reason to be shy."

=Are you sure though Dumbeldor because I'm not. Have you seen the look on her face? She looks like she's about to kill me. You don't know what she has done already. I'd be careful if I were you, don't just assume anything. And you're supposed to be the greatest wizard of all time? Ha!=

The Dark Lord had to stop himself from laughing out loud ut couldn't help but smile.

He sat down beside Granny and tried to look surprised.

„Did I do something wrong?"

Granny puffed beside him. „You know exactly what you did!"

„Oh you mean because of Potter and Malfoy? Do you want proof? Well, you just gotta take the stairs up to the dormitories.", said the Lord and grinning into the woman's face.

Augusta was about to have a heart attack.

„Are you hearing that Albus? That boy lies without blinking. Did he learn that here?"

The headmaster lifted his hands in a calming matter and said: „My dear Augusta, I am sure that there is an explanation for Nevilles behaviour."

/I knew it! There had to be something. It could just be all fun and games and annoying Granny. No there had to be something. I found it. I found the problem, It's Dumbledore./

Augusta sprang up and leaned over to Dumbledore. „Well, you better find something! After all, he is here for most of his time. You are responsible for him."

/I just got an idea./

=Please don't.=

/Just lean back and enjoy./

Voldemort lifted his wand and whispered something and a pink spell shot out of the wand directly towards the Augustas butt, which was so big that Dumbledore did not see it happening.

=WHAT THE HELL VOLDEMORT. You can't just curse my Grandmother!=

/Wait, wait...

Three...

Two...

One...

Zero.../

=What the-=

Augusta gasped for air and then looked at Dumbledore before jumping over the desk, with a daring plunge, into his arms.

„Oh Albus, my dearest."

„Augusta, what-", but he couldn't end his sentence because Granny pulled him towards her and gave him the wettest french kiss ever.

/Arent they just adorable./

=I... what-what did you do?=

/Just a little love spell. I created it myself. Gonna last forever./

=My Granny... is now in love with Dumbledore? Are you taking a piss?=

/I would never./

=As long as you're having fun right?=

/No trust me, Granny is having fun too, only Albus isn't having any fun./

That was true. While Albus was trying to get Augusta to get off of him she had already laid her teeth on the desk and was now opening her blouse.

/I think we're ruining the mood and I also don't want to be here when all of the clothes are gone./

=You can't just leave them like that!=

/Actually, I have too, I didn't get to make the counterspell and I'm sure Albus will take a little while until he figures out what is going on./

And so Voldemort made his way out of the office, smiling and happy with the work he had completed today. He closed the door to stop the kissing sounds and muffled screams to ring to anyone else.


	12. Chapter 12

In Hogwarts… 

… the Lord only wanted to go back to the common room but Neville was strongly against that decision. 

=I can't go back there! They are probably waiting to rip me into shreds.=

/Don‘t you worry! We‘ll get through it together! Like a team./

=I don't know about you but I won't be able to ‘get through it‘ because I actually care about my friends.=

/Okay, so we‘ll try to avoid your friends for a while, like cowards. But you do realise that you can't hide forever, right?/

At that moment Harry came around the corner and ran towards Voldemort.

„We have to talk, Neville!“, Harry said while looking into Neville's eyes with a serious look. „Why did you say that earlier? And why did you try to kiss Hermione? I thought that you liked Blaise.“

The Lord smiled apologetically. „Well, I‘ve been really stressed lately and sometimes I‘m just not myself you know? I mean you should know right? Being the great Potter and all, after all, you defeated the dark lord and everything right? Or did you Potter? Wonderful Potter and hi-“

Neville interrupted him as he watched Harry become more and more suspicious.

=Get over it already!=

Voldemort chocked on his words and slowly seemed to realise that he was standing in front of Harry. 

„See like I was saying. I‘m just not myself lately. And also Pot-Harry, Granny and I‘ve just been arguing a lot lately.“

=Haha ‘lately‘, aren't you just a funny little bean. Are you beginning to be modest now?=

/I‘ve always been, kid./

Harry opened his mouth to tell Neville off when Dumbledore ran past them while screaming.

/Someones in a hurry./

=Oh no what do you think he did something to Granny?=

/The question is what did your Granny do to him./

That was right because Augusta Longbottom was following closely behind the director and was throwing kisses after him while she was yelling: „Albi, my beloved, my king, wait for me!“

/Wow she's like an animal. I respect that, especially at her age./

Harry looked more than confused as he looked after the two lovers before the disappeared around the corner. „Wasnt that your grandma?“ 

„Yep, she‘s in love with good ol‘ Dumblebee. Isn't that just adorable?“

=Oh you‘re a snake.=

/you know it! And now at least no of the others will think about what you did./

=You. What you did.=

„She‘s… in love with Dumbledore?“ Harry looked like he was about to faint and the Dark Lord couldn't stop smiling widely at him.

„Yeah, it was really sudden.“

Voldemort walked around Harry into the Great Hall; where it seemed like Granny had gotten hold of her beloved. 

Harry followed him still in a state of shock and they both stopped in their tracks to look at what was happening at the other end of the hall. 

Granny was pressing Dumbledoor against her breasts and he seemed to be struggling to breathe as he was throwing his arms around like he was drowning in boobs. Nevilles Grandma cooed softly while stroking his long white hair.

=We have to save him!=

/Are you crazy? I don't want to come near Granny right now! Who knows what she's able to do in this state of mind!/

It seemed like neither Harry wanted to be the hero in this situation and turned around to the dark lord, looking uncertain.

„What are we going to do?“

„We? Well, I‘m going to sit down and eat now. You shouldn't interrupt the young lovers.“

„Young Lovers?“, Harry began to laugh loudly and nudged Neville's shoulder. „No wonder that you are being weird lately. I would too be confused with a… with that.“, he said and pointed at Dumbledor who had now freed himself from the grip of his Grandma and was breathing heavily.

/See I told you I would take care of it for you./

=For me? You are the one who brought us into this in the first place. And besides, that Hermione is still mad and let's not forget about Blaise!=

/Let's calm down here. And about Hermione, I still haven't given up on our love./

=Get it into your head idiot she doesn't like you like that- eh me.=

/The next time I‘ll be smooth about it!/

=Isnt one broken nose enough?=

/This time I‘ll be more romantic!/

=What are going to say? ‘Your eyes are like hot chocolate on a cold winter morning, or hey do you have some change because I promised my mother I would call her when I found my future baby mama.=

/What? Do you have a better idea? Since you seem to be the player in this situation. And of course, how could I have forgotten about Blaise you two are doing truly well./

=At least he hasn't broken my nose!=

/So what am I supposed to do?/

=Talk to her, find things that you both have in com- what am I even doing here?=

/You are helping me have sex with Hermione. It's only fair I helped you too after all./

„Neville?“

=Oh yes, you've really been a great help! And it's my body that you want to have sex with Hermione and that's just not okay!=

„Neville?“

/Well I‘m here too now so you gotta share! It's our Body!/

„Hello? Neville?“

The Lord jumped as a hand touched his shoulder. „Yes? I‘m here.“

Harry pointed at the show in the front of the hall, laughing.

By now many other students had sat down at their tables and were watching with great amusement t  
while their director was being crushed in Augusta's strong arms as he looked very unhappy.  
Professor McGonagall was trying to prie Nevilles Grandmother of Dumbledor but Granny was not having it.

„Do not touch my Albi, you bitch!“, she growled while holding Dumbledore even closer to her breasts and McGonagall's face began to redden with her anger.

„Excuse me? Who do you think you are? You can't just seduce the Director of this school in front of all the students.“

/Ha ‘seduce‘ I‘m somehow pretty sure that he isn't doing this willingly./

„And what are you going to do about that? Take points away from me?“

„Oh, I will show you what I will do.“, said Professor McGonagall and pulled out her wand and pointed it at the other woman.

The two witches stood in front of each other puffing their chests out as if they were two dragons fighting for their territory. And just as Augusta pulled out her wand to cast the first spell, Albus was able to get out of his chair still breathing heavily and with his robes looking like he fell out of his bed and said: „We should sort this out in private and not in front of the students.“ 

Nevilles Grandma threw one last crushing look at her rival and then pulled Albus out of the reach of the other professor. 

/Wow your Granny is really possessive./

=She's always been.=

Harry laid his arm around the lord and Voldemort raised his eyebrow at him asking himself if Potter had a death wish while he was being pushed to the Gryffindor table. 

„Aw mate, I don't want to be Dumbledore right now. Cmon Neville lets eat. And don't worry about Draco, I‘ll talk to him.“

/Damnit I just realised that I could have sent Granny after Potter./

 

000

 

In Malfoy Manor… 

… was Lucius currently trying to figure out why his only son was gay? And that wasn't even the worst thing about it, it had to be potter hadn't it? His heir was having sex with the enemy of his Lord. This lead Lucius to question if they were having sex but he tried not to think about that too long since a shiver ran down his back whenever he asked himself that question.   
And then again, what would his lord say?   
Would he send someone to kill his son?   
Probably.   
What would Narcissa do if he would carry their dead son back home? This would be her end. And his too. He may not have all the time for his family but he loved them dearly. It was the only thing that a family couldn't handle. He saw his wife holding onto their son crying and screaming. Screaming at his what he had done. Why he had to be so selfish and bring his family into all of this.   
And he would except all the screaming all the accusations because he knew that she was right.   
He knew that it would be his fault.   
He knew that this would be their end.   
And suddenly all of his worries came back. He remembered when he first joined the dark lord the fear of what was to come. If this had been the right decision. If the dark lord could keep them safe. If the dark lord was strong enough to defeat every other wizard that would stand in his way. If the dark lord could keep his promise and would lead his followers to great things. And Lucius now realised that the answer was no. The dark lord could not keep his promise and that he had been foolish to think so. the dark lord, his dark lord, was still only human and would kill Lucius‘ son without hesitating. And Lucius would still do everything to try to stop him.   
He had to talk to Draco and try to stop whatever had been going on with Potter. He had to tell him that he wouldn't have to become a Deatheater if didn't want to.   
Lucis would flee with his family or his family without him if the still would want him with them. He would even ask Dumbledor to help his family to keep them safe and he would tell him everything he knew about the dark lord in return. He would go back to Azkaban if he had to just to keep his family safe and away from this monster.

Meanwhile, Narcissa wasn't aware of any of Lucius thoughts and was writing a letter.

„Who are you writing a howler too? Draco? If so I have to tell him something too.“

„No Lucius I‘m writing to Snape he has been on vacation for long enough. Its time he comes back here and cleans this mess up.“, annoyed she pointed at the Lord and closed the letter with wax.

„I don't think he will come. I have to talk to you.“

„Talk about what? How I should unbind you and that you want to do this on your own? No thank you. You‘ll probably turn the Lord into jelly by accident.“

Lucius opened his mouth to tell her his new plan but was interrupted.

„Just so you know we will be going to a marriage guidance counsellor. We will work on this marriage together.“

And with that, she turned around and left the room ignoring the yells of her husband asking her to stop.

 

000

 

In the Wellness hotel Body and Spirit… 

… Snape had just washed his mud mask off and was now enjoying a foot massage. Satisfied he lolled in his seat and wiggled his toes while a beautician applied a papaya mask to his face. 

In that moment of relaxing and finally being able to breathe without anyone back from England nor Scotland being up in his face, an owl dropped of Narcissa Letter.

Warily he looked down onto the red envelope, that had already begun to fume. He sent the two women away and that had been as it turned out a good idea. Because as soon as he touched letter it exploded open and the magically increased voice blew him the cucumber slices of his face. 

„YOU WILL GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANT SEVERUS SNAPE OR HELP YOU MERLIN I WILL COME OVER THERE TO DRAG YOU TO THE MANOR ON YOUR BIG NOSE.  
AND IF YOU ARENT HERE IN ONE HOUR I WILL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR LITTLE FLING WITH LUPIN. OH, YOU DIDNT THINK I WOULD FIND OUT DID YOU, AND YET HERE WE ARE. OH, WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING ‘TELL EVERYONE‘ OH NO MY FRIEND I WILL WRITE TO THE DAILY PROPHET AND THEN THEY WILL WRITE ABOUT IT AND EVERYONE WILL KNOW. YOU‘VE GOT ONE HOUR.“

Snape's eye began to twitch. He knew that Cissy would do as she promised, she was merciless. But he hadn't expected that she would threaten him with THAT. Damnit Malfoy had to start taking control of his wife.  
Unhappy he made his way back to his room to start packing. His vacation was ruined. 

Not an entire hour later (he came a little earlier just to make sure) he stood in front of his Lord with an aghast look on his face. 

„What did you do?“, he asked croaky and Cissy began to explain. 

She seemed satisfied with how everything had turned out. She had known that once she would take control of the situation everything would work out just fine. 

„A potion gone wrong.“, Snape said quietly to himself. „Which potion?“

Worm tail could help, who had shown up after Narcissa had also threatened him. „A Stamina Potion but I have no idea what happened or what went wrong.“

Snape suddenly had a flashback of his classroom being ruined and suspicion began to stir deep inside of him. „I have to go back to Hogwarts. You have to get the body of the lord back to normal because it will be your end if you don't. Narcissa, free Lucius he can stir.“ 

And with that, he disappeared up the stairs.

 

000

 

In the Great Hall in Hogwarts…

… sat Voldemort down next to Hermione who was already looking at him suspiciously. 

„What do you want here?“, she snapped. 

/Man she really is a bitch. In my time the ladies were… softer./

=Just give it up man. Or wait until you're back in your body.=

Voldemort smiled sweetly down at her and laid his hand on his chest.

„I am deeply sorry for I know that what I have done is very wrong.“

=Toad.=

Hermione seemed to be taken by surprise but relaxed. 

„Oh eh… I accept your apology. But why did you want to kiss me in the first place? You are gay Neville.“

=And that's where you are so completely right my friend.=

/Not if she's talking to me./

=Merlin, I believe you, okay? You're a hoe, I know.=

„Well you see Hermione I‘ve been having an identity crisis lately I don't seem to recognise myself anymore. And besides that I like you. I‘ve always liked you, you've always been so nice to me. I‘m really terribly sorry that I overstepped the line, which I know I did.“

Hermione's eyes softened and she giggled embarrassed. 

„But Neville you love Blaise. A Blind man can see that. Or did you just want to make him jealous?“

=I can't believe she actually believes you.=

/I told you I‘m good with women./

=Toad.=

„No, I wanted to prove to myself that I‘m not gay.“

Hermione looked at him concern. „But I always thought it was completely clear to you that you are. Your crises really had to be big if you even began to doubt yourself about that.=

=Oh you have no idea how big it actually is.=

/That she always has to wear those tight blouses. I can even concentrate./

=Thats a bit random.=

/All I can hear is big and all I‘m seeing is this./

=Get a grip of yourself man!=

„Yes at the moment I don't really know who I am but I‘m glad that you aren't mad at me anymore.“

„Oh, Neville why didn't you just tell me in the first place? But no you had to creep up on me in the dark. I‘m sorry about your nose but you deserved that.“

=NoI didn't.=

„I know I did, honey.“

=Merlin you are one stupid toad.=

Hermione furrowed her brows. „What did you just call me?“

Voldemort raised his hands and smiled conciliatorily. „A Joke.“

Dumbledore stepped into the hall and of course, stood Granny right behind him. Just as he wanted to sit down in his chair, Neville's grandma sat down first, pulled him into her lap and began to feed him while whistling a tune she had sung to Neville when he was little.

Hermione winced and looked back at Neville and asked: „Does that have something to do with your crises?“

„Yep, do you want to comfort me?“

„I don't feel that much sympathy for you, son.“, she laughed at the name she had just called the dark lord, unknowingly.

=You just got son-zoned, old man.=

/Shut up, kid./

„And besides that Blaise doesn't look too happy, you should talk to him. You're important to him.“

Neville screamed loudly in his head.

=Is she serious? Turn around do we see him? Where is he? Turn around Toad!=

/Okay, Okay. For you, I‘ll let this cutie pie go for now. That's going to be a long time project anyway as it seems. At least Blaise is willing./

=Oh do I hear some excitement?=

/I don't know what you're talking about./

„The way he's looking at me, he probably won't even let me start to apologize. See you later, Honey.“

The Lord stood up and looked at Albus and Augusta one last time and laughed. The way Albus was being pampered by Augusta was the funniest thing to him. But Albus wasn't as amused as he seemed tired but was no beginning to smile back at Augusta. 

/Would you look at that? And then I want you to say that I don't do good. You have to invite me to the wedding. That will be the event of the year./

=Shut up and hurry up. Blaise is leaving the Hall right now and I need you to explain everything to him and please try to be good.=

/Why don't you just trust me? It would be so much easier and so much better for our blood sugar./

=Trust you? You literally have destroyed my relationships with everyone. Even the relationship to Draco I didn't even know I had.=

/You are ungrateful. I have Harry and Hermione wrapped around my little finger./

The Lord ran after Blaise out of the Hall and had reached him in seconds.

„Ehm Blaise?“

=Merlin.=

The Slytherin turned around and narrowed his eyes. „What do you want?“

=MERLIN.=

„I have to explain something to you.“

„I don't need an explanation from you. Explain it to Hermione.“, Blaise face tensed into an hurt-one and then he ran into the dungeons.   
Neville began crying in his head.

/Well… this didn't go as planned but don't you worry little one. I didn't become the most powerful wizard in history in one day either./

Neville sniffed. =If you say so.=

/Oh come one kid don't you lose courage now. I‘m sure we‘ll get him back./

=If I don't get him back today, can I at least have my body back?=

/Well… okay. I don't wanna be a big meany./

Neville fell to the ground and then began haking his head again to clear it up.

=Thanks it feels good to be me again.=

/Ha tell me about it. But I haven't had this much fun in ages we have to do this again tomorrow./

=No.=


End file.
